Don't know how to help

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I am currently on non speaking terms with my younger brother.  Over the past year his BPD symptoms have worsened.  Whenever I try to talk to him, he becomes extremely agitated and hostile.  Also he constantly calls/texts me throughout the day, which has affected me at work and home.  After I tried to explain that I could no longer be his punching bag, he accuses me of mistreating him and since then belittles me with the worst possible words a person can say.  Our last conversation involved me screaming at him to stop with the harassment and abuse.  I felt at that point to stop speaking with him because I was starting to become very anxious and depressed.  I want to be there for him but do not want to lose my own sanity to save his.  Thank you for creating a forum out there for people like me. 

[jcr1980]

I am currently on non speaking terms with my younger brother.  Over the past year his BPD symptoms have worsened.  Whenever I try to talk to him, he becomes extremely agitated and hostile.  Also he constantly calls/texts me throughout the day, which has affected me at work and home.  After I tried to explain that I could no longer be his punching bag, he accuses me of mistreating him and since then belittles me with the worst possible words a person can say.  Our last conversation involved me screaming at him to stop with the harassment and abuse.  I felt at that point to stop speaking with him because I was starting to become very anxious and depressed.  I want to be there for him but do not want to lose my own sanity to save his.  Thank you for creating a forum out there for people like me. 

[Turkish]

Hi jcr1980,



I'm sorry that his hostility pushed you to react so strongly to your brother. What's going on with him, and how is the rest of the family involved? Any substance abuse on his side?

Maintaining a relationship with a person with BPD can be very tough, depending upon the severity of their behaviors. Asserting a boundary is good to protect yourself, but it's also sad because you do want to be there for him. Emotionally detaching from his rants (I.e., not taking them personally) while maintaining firm and consistent boundaries is a very tough thing to do. I failed with my ex, but I've gotten better with my mom (who hasn't raged at me since I left the house).

Do you sense that he will reach out at some point, will you?

We have communcation tools here, developed by leading experts in the disorder, which can help reduce triggers and conflict. Take a look:

Communication Skills - Validation

Let me know if this makes sense, or if you think it may help.

Turkish