NewKitty
Fewer than 3 Posts
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Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1
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« on: October 17, 2015, 08:12:10 PM » |
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I am a 24 year old woman who has had a very... .shaky past in regards to family. My father was highly suspected of having bipolar disorder. He was abusive toward my mother, both verbally and physically. Both of my parents were gambling addicts. I grew up in Michigan but my family moved to Florida, which I hated, when I was 10 years old. We were back and forth a few times between Florida and Michigan, until we lost the Michigan house to my parents' gambling addictions. My mothers entire family abandoned her because of this and I thought that it was my responsibility to be there for her, no matter what. I dropped out of highschool because I was depressed, then I would beg her to allow me to go with her to work so I could save her paychecks before she spent them. There was a point where it just became too much, and I moved out with a friend, back to Michigan. That... .ended up in a worse situation. I told my mom I wanted to come back home. She actually garnered up the money to save for a place (in Florida) and came and rescued me. I never heard from my father again.
But I was with mom again, so I was happy. And at first she did a lot for me! She got me my first job, my license, my GED. She seemed normal for a time. And then she just... .snapped. She was very angry and aggressive at the drop of a hat. Because old habits die hard, I blamed myself for her behavior. If only I could have been a better daughter. A perfect daughter. She wouldn't be so miserable. She wouldn't be so sad and bitter and angry. There were times where she was happy and told me I was an amazing kid... .only if she had someone else to blame for all of her problems. I was occasionally the bane of her existence.
I started to become increasingly more depressed and suicidal. My mom told me that I was to help her with purchasing her own place, which I would inherit when she passed away. Whenever I expressed wanting to do ANYTHING else with my life, I was instantly told I was selfish, that I didn't care what she wanted, that I was a horrible person. In the past few months my suicidal thoughts were nearly never ending. I couldn't concentrate at work, I couldn't afford school, I felt like my life was going nowhere because I only existed to please this one other person... .I told a therapist, and my best friends both told their therapists, and all of the therapists were in agreement that I had to get out of there. Soon. I chose a non-confrontational route -- knowing that she would have grown angry and defensive and played the victim if I told her I wanted to leave (because she has done so in the past), I decided to leave her a note, and leave in secret while she was at work.
One of my best friends in Michigan had a place for me and our other best friend to stay, so we began making plans for a cross country trip. I had everything perfectly set up. My mother had me holding on to her money for her, for fear of returning to gambling, so I transferred all of her money into her personal bank account. She had me handling all of the bill paying, so I hooked all of those up to her phone number and email. I changed my number. I removed her from facebook. I only meant this to be temporary; as soon as she cooled off, I wanted to talk to her again. I still love her dearly.
This... .didn't go as I had planned.
The day after I left (two weeks ago), I had a moment of weakness. My sister told me I should call my mom to try and clear the air, because she was attempting to tell my sister I'd stolen too... .but she didn't believe it. I called my mom up. Initially, she was crying. She said she missed me. She said I told her I would always take care of her. She said she was worried she couldn't afford her place and that she might be homeless... .which is a bit ridiculous, because she has a few thousand dollars and a job, but feeling guilty, I told her I would send her more money as soon as I got a job.
She tried to attack my best friend verbally, saying she was a horrible person for convincing me to do this... .I defended my best friend and my mother was extremely offended. "You would choose her over your own mother?" She started crying again, said I didn't owe her any money, and hung up. I tried to call her back, she wouldn't answer. Then, the texting started. She began sending very venomous text messages, saying I was an evil, selfish person, and that I may as well be dead. I blocked her number -- I was already feeling very very depressed again, and I couldn't take any more emotional trauma.
She lent me some money for a car, which she told me I could pay back at my own leisure. I left her several signed and dated checks to continue paying that back while I was gone. Apparently, this translated to her as I "stole" her money... .And she has been telling everyone this. My brother is the only member of the family who believes her, but he won't speak to me anymore. She told one of my old coworkers, who is her hairdressing client. She even tried to tell my best friend's mom, who invited me to Thanksgiving this year. Thankfully she didn't believe it, but all of this is really starting to wear on me.
Today, I posted this on FB:
"I really, really hate drama, especially when it's aired out on Facebook, but I have recently been made aware of a situation and I need to clear this up. I decided to move back to Michigan because of some complicated, personal issues going on with some family I have down in Florida. While I won't go into terribly much detail, I will say that it has taken a heavy toll on me. I was in a position where I was living my life to the specifications of other people, and not myself. I was extremely unhappy. I took the chance to leave with the help of a few friends, and relying heavily on a credit card to pay for the bulk of the trip. The people in Florida completely turned on me. They have been spreading lies about me to friends and loved ones. I wasn't going to address it but I feel that it's important. Apparently they are shouting this to whoever will listen, saying that I stole and that I'm a terrible person. I love all of them very much no matter what they choose to say about me, but this kind of toxic negativity is exactly why I needed to leave in the first place. I trust that the people who truly know me will pay this smear campaign no mind. This has all been extremely difficult, having these horrible things said by people who I love, but I'm surviving, and it's all thanks to the love and support from all of you. Thank you."
I don't know how to keep holding on, though. I have no money. I just got a job but I need to use that job to pay off the credit card I used to fund my trip here... .I can't afford a therapist but I really need someone to talk to. So, here I am.
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