Ex and his mum scare me

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My instincts were real. I felt like I was being played. I love my husband but have decided that I want to be loved in return. Everything is a game, that I really don't have the time nor money to play. I put s protection or on hoping that my husband would simply see he can't treat me this way, but he got worse and said he would. He made up lies with his parents and tried to put one on me. I freaked out and upend mine to no contact. This stopped his behaviour towards me but just stopped the abuse not manipulation. He would say he loved me and was working hard putting in all the work by not drinking to be with me. I found out that he was chasing girls nearly half his age and waa once again contacting men and women on Craig's list sending pics. Wtf, anyway told him to leave the house and not come back. Remember I love him (stupidly, I must be crazy), I miss him. Do I miss being abused. He continually plays me, trying to get me to lift the police order. He is staying with his parents and they are all playing now. They wealthy and give him money when he treats me poorly (power thing). His parents have said that they will send me into debt. The husband says he will keep the house and not settle in or out of court. Basically they will spend 3 x what the house is worth to make sure me and my daughter have nothing. His mum prank called me tonight. She said "you are going to kill the cows like you did your dog". My dog accidentally got locked in the car after one of my husbands 5 day tantrums. It kills me and I miss him daily. I was just looking into selling the cows as we are meant to be selling the house. Apparently not they just expect me to walk away. Why doesn't he look after me and our family? Any way he never will. Just heart broken and tired and wanting something that can't be. Besides my daughter tells me "mum his not the same man" and she doesn't want anything to do with him. NC, right?

[mylife2]

My instincts were real. I felt like I was being played. I love my husband but have decided that I want to be loved in return. Everything is a game, that I really don't have the time nor money to play. I put s protection or on hoping that my husband would simply see he can't treat me this way, but he got worse and said he would. He made up lies with his parents and tried to put one on me. I freaked out and upend mine to no contact. This stopped his behaviour towards me but just stopped the abuse not manipulation. He would say he loved me and was working hard putting in all the work by not drinking to be with me. I found out that he was chasing girls nearly half his age and waa once again contacting men and women on Craig's list sending pics. Wtf, anyway told him to leave the house and not come back. Remember I love him (stupidly, I must be crazy), I miss him. Do I miss being abused. He continually plays me, trying to get me to lift the police order. He is staying with his parents and they are all playing now. They wealthy and give him money when he treats me poorly (power thing). His parents have said that they will send me into debt. The husband says he will keep the house and not settle in or out of court. Basically they will spend 3 x what the house is worth to make sure me and my daughter have nothing. His mum prank called me tonight. She said "you are going to kill the cows like you did your dog". My dog accidentally got locked in the car after one of my husbands 5 day tantrums. It kills me and I miss him daily. I was just looking into selling the cows as we are meant to be selling the house. Apparently not they just expect me to walk away. Why doesn't he look after me and our family? Any way he never will. Just heart broken and tired and wanting something that can't be. Besides my daughter tells me "mum his not the same man" and she doesn't want anything to do with him. NC, right?

[Turkish]

Hello mylife2,

I'm sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. It's hard enough to be abused by someone that we love, but the harassment and threats are uncalled for. What are the details behind the protection order? Does him contacting you violate it?

His parents sound highly narcissistic and controlling. Their threats may be empty, but it's good to get legal counsel. At the very least, it's good to start keeping a log or journal, along with proof of the calls (like his mother calling you, even if she is not part of the protection order). Where do you see this going?

Turkish

[ForeverDad]

The husband says he will keep the house and not settle in or out of court.

Well, that's wrong.  Yes, they can delay, obstruct, sabotage, waste money, etc, but family court is the Real Authority.  Court is slow but eventually it gets things done, well, most of it done.  For sure it has to be better than dealing with him and his parents.  Let's hope they don't have too much influence with the court.

Just heart broken and tired and wanting something that can't be. Besides my daughter tells me "mum he's not the same man" and she doesn't want anything to do with him. NC, right?

Yes, you have NC to the extent possible.  You may have to have contact for parenting issues, exchanges, etc, but no more.  Your daughter may end up having parenting time with him since divorce does not stop the parent-child connection as far as court is concerned.  If you have concerns about his parental contact, either substantive abuse, neglect or endangerment, then ask the court to limit his parenting time, perhaps even supervised if there is basis to request that.  (Problem is, if he is limited to supervised visits he will try to get his enabler parents to do the supervising.)

[livednlearned]

Hi mylife2,

My ex is an attorney and he said the same thing -- that he would bankrupt me and win win win, including custody of our child. He did drag things out in court, and it did cost me a lot of money. I had a good judge and eventually won custody of my son.

Don't let them intimidate you. A lot of times people with personality disorders are their own worst enemies. My ex, even though he's a lawyer, sent over 10,000 emails, much of it filled with incriminating evidence that ended up in court to his demise.

Document everything, and come here to take advantage of the collective wisdom offered. People here really do care, and have been in your shoes.

You're not alone. 

LnL