Major trigger tonight

[Depression = 72% of members]

Tonight is going to be hard

A friend of mine who lives in the city I used to live in is getting married. She's from the same country as my ex, and their weddings are very colourful and beautiful. Every time him and I talked of marriage I used to dream of that day; of getting dressed up, of getting caught up in all the festivities, of all the colour and grandeur. Now the photos from the wedding are filtering through on Facebook. I've had to close the tab because I'm finding it incredibly painful to look at them. That was supposed to be me next year. And now all those dreams have vanished as quickly as he did (he's now engaged to someone else, from his culture).

I've been doing so much better the last few days. I've started to realise just how ill he must have been, and how when you add that with his interfering, manipulative, evil family (it's clear now I was never the ideal candidate for his bride in their eyes) we never stood a chance. I'm even getting to the point where I'm starting to feel sorry for him. I know he knows he needs help, and sometimes I wonder if his family weren't who they are and from the culture that they come from whether he would be in therapy right now. He has a certain level of awareness, and while I was with him it came through. It's no coincidence that all this unravelled the minute we were apart.

Anyway, I'm not making excuses for him; I know that it's better that this happened now rather than later on, but I'm also starting to accept that not everything is as black and white as we sometimes make it out to be. Sometimes it's easier to see it as black and white, because you can put it in a little box and say "This is what it is" and that's the end of it, but it's not as simple as that. I realise that tonight when I saw those wedding photos, and I thought of all his incredibly good qualities, too.

Feeling like I'm going to cry now. First time in days.

Hopeful.

[Hopeful83]

Tonight is going to be hard

A friend of mine who lives in the city I used to live in is getting married. She's from the same country as my ex, and their weddings are very colourful and beautiful. Every time him and I talked of marriage I used to dream of that day; of getting dressed up, of getting caught up in all the festivities, of all the colour and grandeur. Now the photos from the wedding are filtering through on Facebook. I've had to close the tab because I'm finding it incredibly painful to look at them. That was supposed to be me next year. And now all those dreams have vanished as quickly as he did (he's now engaged to someone else, from his culture).

I've been doing so much better the last few days. I've started to realise just how ill he must have been, and how when you add that with his interfering, manipulative, evil family (it's clear now I was never the ideal candidate for his bride in their eyes) we never stood a chance. I'm even getting to the point where I'm starting to feel sorry for him. I know he knows he needs help, and sometimes I wonder if his family weren't who they are and from the culture that they come from whether he would be in therapy right now. He has a certain level of awareness, and while I was with him it came through. It's no coincidence that all this unravelled the minute we were apart.

Anyway, I'm not making excuses for him; I know that it's better that this happened now rather than later on, but I'm also starting to accept that not everything is as black and white as we sometimes make it out to be. Sometimes it's easier to see it as black and white, because you can put it in a little box and say "This is what it is" and that's the end of it, but it's not as simple as that. I realise that tonight when I saw those wedding photos, and I thought of all his incredibly good qualities, too.

Feeling like I'm going to cry now. First time in days.

Hopeful.

[Lifewriter16]

It's a terribly painful situation, hopeful83. You had a future planned and all your hopes have been taken from you. In the circumstances, crying seems a pretty good option. Crying is very healing. I do it frequently and heartily recommend it. 

Lifewriter x

[Hopeful83]

It's a terribly painful situation, hopeful83. You had a future planned and all your hopes have been taken from you. In the circumstances, crying seems a pretty good option. Crying is very healing. I do it frequently and heartily recommend it.  

Lifewriter x

Thank you  

Every time someone announces their engagement I get upset, which is so unlike me - I'm usually the first to be happy for other people. But right now it just triggers me. The wedding is the icing on the cake, I guess, because their weddings are very different to the ones we have in my country.

Anyway, I guess this too shall pass. There are times, though, when I wonder if I've dreamt the last three years. It was ripped away from me so quickly that it all feels like a bad dream now. Anyone else ever feel that way?

[stacma04]

@Hopeful83... I can honestly relate to how you feel, I'm in the same situation EX got engaged one month after our break up... Its like you waited for something for so long, only to get the thing you desire more than anything. I waited two years, for a proposal, we looked at rings together, researched wedding venues, looked at tuxedo's and Bridal gowns, I've dream about our wedding day and the day I would walk down the aisle and he would be there. All the hoping and praying for those things, only for them to give it to someone else. I get that it hurts, its probably one of the worst feelings I've ever had. But its slowly starting to get better. I've been NC for 4 months, looked at social media a few times, but it became too painful so I stopped. Please don't go on his social media because it will only set you back in your healing. I ended up deactivating my FB until I am healed and have detached from this situation. It will get better, just read as much as you can,  come to this forum as much as needed, you'll get some  great words of encouragement and advice here. Stay strong, cry if you need to, it helps, one day you wont feel the urge to cry anymore. I wish you peace in your healing.

[Hopeful83]

@Hopeful83... I can honestly relate to how you feel, I'm in the same situation EX got engaged one month after our break up... Its like you waited for something for so long, only to get the thing you desire more than anything. I waited two years, for a proposal, we looked at rings together, researched wedding venues, looked at tuxedo's and Bridal gowns, I've dream about our wedding day and the day I would walk down the aisle and he would be there. All the hoping and praying for those things, only for them to give it to someone else. I get that it hurts, its probably one of the worst feelings I've ever had. But its slowly starting to get better. I've been NC for 4 months, looked at social media a few times, but it became too painful so I stopped. Please don't go on his social media because it will only set you back in your healing. I ended up deactivating my FB until I am healed and have detached from this situation. It will get better, just read as much as you can,  come to this forum as much as needed, you'll get some  great words of encouragement and advice here. Stay strong, cry if you need to, it helps, one day you wont feel the urge to cry anymore. I wish you peace in your healing.

Thank you 

I wish I could deactivate my Facebook, but unfortunately I have work pages associated with the account, so it's simply not an option for me. I blocked him from the day we ended, which was a start, but sometimes I'm silly and I go through all our old photos and wonder how on earth we went from that to this in the space of a few weeks.

And then what does he do? Get engaged to someone else. The engagement wasn't enough, no. He had to shove it in everyone's faces with Instagram and Facebook updates proving to the world how happy they are.

I know all this just proves further how he's very ill, and I know that had I married him things would have become miles worse, but right now I'm finding it hard. My dreams have been shattered, and while on most days I can be in the present and not let my head get away with itself, I have moments of weakness like this when I wonder why this all happened.