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ExBPDbf's best friend told him we both know the truth
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Topic: ExBPDbf's best friend told him we both know the truth (Read 410 times)
RedDove
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Posts: 177
ExBPDbf's best friend told him we both know the truth
«
on:
October 15, 2015, 02:36:25 PM »
I posted last week that my exBPDbf's best friend John reached out to me. We talked at length on several occassions. We helped each other fill in the gaps and now know the truth.
I had tried to build a friendship with my exBPDbf over the past year. After I ended it and went NC last June. I learned about BPD, co-dependency, SET, and validation. I thought I could handle a friendship. But, we recycled, slept together, and I got sucked back into the BPD vortex. John suspected my ex was up to his old tricks, trying to suck me back in, and reached out to me to tell me the truth. My exBPD has been living with a woman (my replacement) for the past year.
Because we both have been involved with exBPDbf for many years (me=5, John=20), we have both experienced amd witnessed his behviors. We contemplated and tried to come up with the best way to approach exBPDbf. In the end, John asked for my permission to tell exBPDbf we talked. I agreed as long as John told me when, so I was prepared for retaliation.
John attempted ro talk to exBPDbf a few weeks ago. But, exBPDbf had to undergo knee revision surgery due to a MRSA infection. John gave him a few weeks to recover. He decided to call him on the phone because he doesn't want to see him.
John called and told exBPDbf he met with me several times. At first exBPDbf was very quiet. Then he started ranting (projecting blame, gas lighting, etc.)
ExBPDbf: RedDove is unstable. You're going to regret ever getting involved with her. She's a stalker. How could you betray me like that! I don't want you talking to my exes!"
John calmly turned the focus back on him: Well, that's interesting, because the only one who betrayed anyone's trust here was YOU! You lied and used me as an excuse to RedDove. You lied and told her you weren't in a relationship and still living at your sisters. You also slept with her and cheated on your girlfriend. Tell me exBPDbf, did you also have sex with my ex "M" and "S"?
ExBPDbf: It was only one time with her, I was drunk and I'm not doing that anymore! No, I just met M and S a few times for drinks to try to help you!
John: Oh really, shall I have RedDove forward you the texts from the past year? I don't believe you!
ExBPDbf: Umm, no.
John: I also know you're still on POF.
ExBPDbf: No I'm not, I haven't been for over a year.
John: Really? I can forward you a screenshot of your profile. Should I also forward it to your girlfriend?
ExBPDbf: I told you, I'm not doing "that" anymore! After "all" the woman over the years, are you really gonna let "her" come between us?
John: No exBPDbf, your lies, deceit and betrayal of my trust is what came between us. I'm done, I'm not doing this anymore. Goodbye.
That was the the main context of the conversation. I have my exBPDbf blocked on my phone. Thus far I haven't received any calls or strange number calls. Granted, he can't drive for another couple weeks due to his knee surgery. Which is sort of a blessing to me.
I'm also still being cautious and also keenly aware that a Karpman Drama Triangle may still occur. I'm relieved John finally spoke to him. Right now I have no desire to talk to exBPDbf. I'm angry, upset, mad, hurt, but I fully expected exBPDbf to project, blame, and gaslight. I had warned John prior to his conversation and advised him to keep turning the focus back to exBPDbf. I'm trying to just feel what I feel and be kind to myself.
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2014
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Posts: 49
Re: ExBPDbf's best friend told him we both know the truth
«
Reply #1 on:
October 16, 2015, 08:08:56 AM »
Like most pathological liars that use and abuse friends, loved ones & strangers, i think your ex will end up alone, miserable and will self-destruct in the end. Hope this gives you even more closure.
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RedDove
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Posts: 177
Re: ExBPDbf's best friend told him we both know the truth
«
Reply #2 on:
October 16, 2015, 03:21:38 PM »
2014, it's very sad how they can't take responsibility nor see how their actions cause all the chaos in their lives. John has been exBPDbf's best friend for 20 years! He's his ONLY friend and was an enabler (like me). I feel badly for John to have seen first hand how exBPD treats people. John said he was just a chess piece in exBPDbf's life.
Thus far exBPDbf hasn't bothered to contact John. I told John not to expect an apology from exBPDbf. I also tried to brace him for the aftermath. I explained that he is likely painted black/bad now because exBPDbf projected the betrayal and blame onto John. That one day out of the blue exBPDbf would text him, dissociate, and act like nothing even happened. John said, no way! I said, yes way! Welcome to my crazy world in the vortex of BPD.
I'm wondering what will happen now that John and I are currently both painted black/bad. We were supportive, soothing, and escape outlets for exBPDbf. So, will he dysregulate and take his shame, anger, frustration (rage) out on the current girlfriend? Honestly, not to be mean spirited, but I hope so! Because then she'll see him with his mask off. If I were her, I'd be questioning why exBPDbf's best friend of 20 years didn't come to the hospital, or the house to visit him after surgery. Talk about a red flag!
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