one of those days

[willtimeheal]

Just feel like posting today. I have been out of my BPD relationship for 13 months now.  My life has fallen into a routine and I have accomplished things I never thought I would have. I am proud of myself and I realize my life is so much better now. I know I will never go back to that life but I still struggle sometimes with why wasn't I good enough for my exBPDgf?  We spent six years together and she just left  me for someone else. She  loved me so much that morning and by noon she  loved someone else. I look at her in "love" and I am jealous. Why does she get that happiness and I am still searching?  Her and the replacement have been together for a year. It bothers me. And at times  it eats away at me. I think the thing that bothers me the most is I knew better. I knew she was  going to hurt me from the start but I stayed in it. Now I feel like a fool.  A lonely fool. How do you let go of that feeling?  I am in therapy and my therapist says I have to figure out why she still matters... .I don't know why. I just want her not to. I want peace in my mind and heart. I want to move forward. At times I get scared that maybe she was right and I am the one with the problem. Is just one of those days.

[hopealways]

These are my thoughts today exactly.  It's just the healing journey. You have been conditioned to fault yourself for problems that arise and this is no exception.  Bravo to you for not jumping into another relationship, this shows strength. The right one will come along when the time is right, and you will now attract a better and healthier woman than the last one.

As for your ex, this new relationship will fail also, they all do. And they will never be a loving and harmonious relationship despite what you hear and what she posts on social media.  But she is not who  you should be thinking about. It's time to think about you.

[Mutt]

Hj wiiltimeheal,

Why does she get that happiness and I am still searching?  Her and the replacement have been together for a year.

I agree with hopealways, BPD is a pattern of chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships. Your ex is searching for the perfect r/s and looking at all of the good things at the beginning of the relationship, her part time self begins to fail and she'll project her failing part time self and see her partner as all bad and devalue her partner.

She has feelings of emptiness, self hatred, shame, anger, low self worth, anxiety and often there's a concurring clinical depression, thoughts of self harm. I think that it helps to step back and look at the bigger picture when we're thinking about our ex's and that they feel happy.

She may be searching for happiness but BPD is a pattern of chaotic relationship. Happiness is something that you create, have you thought about what makes you happy? It could be something you may want to discuss with your T?