Travel break up stories?

[kc sunshine]

Hello!

Did any of you have the experience of your BPD ex breaking up with you when you traveled somewhere without her/him? This is the second time that is has happened to my ex (very recent ex) and me. It is such a bad feeling to leave still together and come home alone.  :'(

[Lonely_Astro]

Hello!

Did any of you have the experience of your BPD ex breaking up with you when you traveled somewhere without her/him? This is the second time that is has happened to my ex (very recent ex) and me. It is such a bad feeling to leave still together and come home alone.  :'(

Sorry you're going through this, KC.  I experienced in at one point with my pwBPD.  I had to travel for work and while I was away she would barely speak to me.  I had done my best to prep her for my leaving (as I had no choice but to go) and it still didn't really help.  She was "out" with friends or her parents the entire time I was gone and was super long to respond.  At the time, it seemed reasonable to me... .she never likes to be alone.  We didn't "break up" while I was gone per se... .she just put me way on the back burner because I wasn't there.

My pwBPD is triggered to "break up" when we plan to travel somewhere, together.  In our history, I've planned two trips.  In both cases, the r/s ended before we took the trip (both within a week of departure).

Once again, Im sorry you're having to experience this.  It isn't easy to go through, thats for sure.

[kc sunshine]

Wow, that is wild that she broke up so similarly both times... .what is sucky is that sometimes the triggers are nothing we can control for, like the vacations (which I bet she wanted you to plan) or my work travel.

[hopealways]

We broke up WHILE on vacation once and took separate flights back home. I think the vacation makes them feel engulfed so they have to sabotage it, hence the irrational acting out.

[Lonely_Astro]

Wow, that is wild that she broke up so similarly both times... .what is sucky is that sometimes the triggers are nothing we can control for, like the vacations (which I bet she wanted you to plan) or my work travel.

Lets see... .she argued with me about something and didn't go on the first trip.  Three years later, after being "together" a year, I planned a weekend trip that we were supposed to go on.  We are supposed to go this coming weekend and we fought last weekend, a fight thats lasted this entire week.  I told her that we had to just go our separate ways, so I guess I technically broke up with her, but it was a fight that was picked by her based on a month long "punishment" she's given me that boiled over.  Even though she said she "knew" Id pick a fight with her this week to "prevent" her from going.  She actually is extremely mad that I did so "this week" specifically because she was "looking forward to going".  But, honestly, she wasn't excited.  She had been very panicked by going (out of cell phone range - my guess is she didn't want to have to explain to her new beau that she wasn't going to be around) and she was constantly making various negative comments about going.

Eh, live and learn.  Sorry, I may be a bit more nonchalant than normal... .Ive had a few drinks as I type this... .

[reecehero]

This is EXACTLY what my exBPDbf used to do but it was always WHILE we were on holidays. The only difference was that I was the one to end the relationship (twice on 2 separate holidays). When ever we would travel my exBPDbf was caught cheating. I understand that they were always cheating at home however it is a lot harder to hide it when travelling as we were always with each other.

I think being away from home and out of comfortable surroundings inflamed the BPD as they cannot be in control of everything in an unfamiliar environment.

My advice to anyone who is dating a partner with BPD based on my experience - DO NOT travel with them EVER!

[reecehero]

I should clarify that the exBPDbf cheating was while I was asleep. I sleep very heavily due to needing antihistamines I take for sever allergies. They would sneak out of the hotel room but be back in bed before I woke up. The tell tale signs that caused me to investigate was them sleeping during the day even though they had supposedly slept through the night. I checked their phone and BAM! Totally busted

[Lonely_Astro]

This is EXACTLY what my exBPDbf used to do but it was always WHILE we were on holidays. The only difference was that I was the one to end the relationship (twice on 2 separate holidays). When ever we would travel my exBPDbf was caught cheating. I understand that they were always cheating at home however it is a lot harder to hide it when travelling as we were always with each other.

I think being away from home and out of comfortable surroundings inflamed the BPD as they cannot be in control of everything in an unfamiliar environment.

My advice to anyone who is dating a partner with BPD based on my experience - DO NOT travel with them EVER!

You may be correct.  We talked some the night before I left, but she pretty much punished me all weekend while I was away (I went on the trip anyway... .I had non-refundable portions and wasn't going to waste the money) by not speaking to me.  She said (before I had left) that she wanted to see me when I got back.  I've been back several hours now and haven't heard from her. So... .yeah.

[zundertowz]

Vacations and holidays must be triggers, she ruined 2 out of 4 trips we took and the other 2 I was paranoid.  She kicked me out the day before my birthday, I could go on put you get the picture.

[Herodias]

It was the same for me... .mine was horrible on a trip. He also was texting other women while we were gone. We only had one really good trip and it was before we married. After that, downhill. A few months ago he came back from a trip with his gf. He automatically called me the second he got back. He came over and told me how awful it was. He showed me some of his texts to the gf where they were fighting... .although she was giving in to him and apologizing. He had this very excited laughter, that almost scared me it was so evil! He was just gleaming with excitement over how gullible she was. Made me see him on a whole new light.

[Lonely_Astro]

It was the same for me... .mine was horrible on a trip. He also was texting other women while we were gone. We only had one really good trip and it was before we married. After that, downhill. A few months ago he came back from a trip with his gf. He automatically called me the second he got back. He came over and told me how awful it was. He showed me some of his texts to the gf where they were fighting... .although she was giving in to him and apologizing. He had this very excited laughter, that almost scared me it was so evil! He was just gleaming with excitement over how gullible she was. Made me see him on a whole new light.

This is one of the reasons why I feel that our planned trip fell apart.  My pwBPD was constantly on her phone and in the beginning she would hand me her phone and didn't seem anxious about it.  That's changed.  Now if I touch her phone she gets rigid and I can see the panic and she takes it away from me as quickly as possible (like I can't tell thats what she's doing).  Let's all be honest, there's a reason for the anxiety: she's up to something she shouldn't be.  I've called her out on it several times, but to no avail.  She dismisses it each time as to she "doesn't know why" she reacts that way or she claims her (soon to be) ex-husband used to rummage through her phone looking for her to be up to no good and would verbally/emotionally abuse her when he didn't find anything.  For me, it doesn't add up either way.  I've never abused her (can't say the same for her to me), yet she feels persecuted if I ask questions (hello there my old friend, double standard).  But she became very anxious when I told her where we were going would have spotty cell coverage.  She's also deadly afraid of her mom and refuses to tell her anything about me (and wouldn't answer the question when I asked how she was going to "disappear" for a weekend without telling her anything).

I still fully believe it was because she was trying to figure out how to tell whoever she's talking to that she wouldn't be around for the weekend (which would cause them to ask questions as well).  She's very adept to keeping people compartmentalized, I know (at this point) I wasn't any different.  Sure, in the beginning I think she was truthful with me, but I have since moved on from that fantasy to realize that she hid things from me toward the end.