married to a BPD wife for 24 years

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi

Married sionce 25 years

Did not realise it until i discovered an affair and went for therapy   the doctor diagnosed my wife as BPD and suggested that I get out of more pain and she also said she luckily wanted a seperation

Have three children youngest 18 and heading for final exams .

Should I seperate now . She wants to to wait but I cant handle the pain

Any advise would help

sid

[sid]

Hi

Married sionce 25 years

Did not realise it until i discovered an affair and went for therapy   the doctor diagnosed my wife as BPD and suggested that I get out of more pain and she also said she luckily wanted a seperation

Have three children youngest 18 and heading for final exams .

Should I seperate now . She wants to to wait but I cant handle the pain

Any advise would help

sid

[livednlearned]

Hi sid,

I'm sorry you're going through this -- the affair had to be painful, and then to learn that your wife has BPD as well. It's tough. How are you holding up? It's good that you're seeing a therapist.

I wonder if this might be helpful:

PERSPECTIVES: Is it better for the kids if I stay or leave?

There have been studies that show that kids who grow up in divorced homes have more problems in life than kids whose parents stay together. Would having a BPD/NPD parent (or other abusive parent) change this outlook? If you leave, do you think your kids have been harmed by the friction between you and the ex? Would things be better for your kids living in a two-parent home situation? If you are the father, do you believe that leaving your marriage means leaving your kids?

What kind of relationship does your 18-year-old have with you? Would he or she want to live with you or with your wife?

Hang in there. It's tough, many of us have been in your shoes and are here for you.

You're not alone.



LnL

[ugghh]

Sid,

Can you clarify who wants to wait - BPDw or a child?

If you are like many of us in these situations, you have gone a long time trying to protect your kids from the emotional rollercoaster and deal with the circular logic of the BPD.  I really encourage you to find a therapist to help you understand the emotional damage that has been done and find a good attorney to advice you on the best way to protect yourself legally.

ugghh - happily divorced for 18 months from 26 year marriage to a uBPDw