trying to help my ex with BPD

[davexpf]

Hi, My ex partner has recently been diagnosed with BPD and started contacting me again. She doesnt want to start a relationship again but recently started to ask for help with shopping even though she feels she can manage by herself. Ive suggested days out which she loves the sound of, until the day arrives and then she backs out. I only want to help her as she rarely goes out of the house, any advise would be appreciated, thanks in advance

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[juniorswailing]

My advice would be to read as much as you can about BPD and people's experience of interacting with people who have it.

I'm new to this after the behavior of my partner of 3 months had me baffled and I started to dig about to see what could be the issue.

You then have to decide if it's something you can/want to deal with or if you need to walk away.

[an0ught]

Hi daveexpf,

education is key.

1) Education yourself about boundaries. How do you protect yourself to be drawn back into a relationship - what are your boundaries. It is ok to get back (this is the staying board after all  ) but it should be really your conscious decision.

2) Education yourself about validation and related communication tools like SET. She is suffering from anxiety and her fears need to be dealt with to some degree. It is very easy to put a positive spin into your talk and that is exactly what is to be avoided... .It is not hard  but you got to know how you say what you want to say.

3) She is alway going to want to back out when leaving time nears. Be clear about exactly what schedule. Be clear about what you do. You can't control her but you have a plan. This is the plan, you show up at that time etc. . It may still fail but what can you do. You only control yourself.

,

a0