what to do with drinking and finances

[Neveralone]

So beside his other issues my husband drinks. He can hold a lot of liquor and will admit when he buys something if i ask. It is wasted $ in my opinion when i am trying to keep track of finances pay bills pay off debt etc. In the past i have tried taking away his cards and giving him $ with the idea that he has to give me all of his receipts so i can track his spending. Do any of you all deal with this and what works?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ct21218]

Yes, my partner has his check deposited in my account and I give him cash or a prepaid debit card.  I have given him my card on occasion and closely monitor all purchases.  It took a long time for him to agree to having me mange the money.

[waverider]

racking his finances will drive you nuts and make his problems yours and you will forever fight about it.

If finances are tight then separate out your essentials, and do not allow access. Let him have access to x$$ and where it goes is his problem, when he is out of $$ thats just tough.

The idea is to relieve yourself of worry not to force yourself to be more vigilant than you need to be.

[ct21218]

I attempted what waverider suggests and the problem was that I could not let him not eat or have gas to get to work and his portion of the bills was still not getting paid. I pay all the bills, he knows what's left and is forced to budget himself with the remaining money.  If he has $20 left til payday, I know that the bills are paid and he adjusts accordingly. He also no longer drinks or gambles, which is where his entire paycheck used to go.

[waverider]

Someone with a drink problem, or any addiction, will indulge first and justify later. They will not budget for it.

[ct21218]

Someone with a drink problem, or any addiction, will indulge first and justify later. They will not budget for it.

I totally agree, nothing changed in my relationship until the addition issues were addressed.  When my partner was actively gambling and controlling his own money, he resorted to pawning our belongings to get gambling money.  That was my breaking point.  We weren't able to come back together until several years later when he was sober.