A year n 4 months after B/U i still think of her but not often is this normal ?

[guy4caligirl]

After a year and 4 months after the B/U , I went NC for 4 months now , she broke it by text once ,needing $ ,I didn't respond .

I started dating a few months ago and nothing as of yet  swept me away, I mean I really dated a lot of girls three of them were BPD (I ran like F. Gump)

I worked hard on myself to be able to put things behind me and get better  , but why is it when these friendships or mini relationships ,when They end and I am alone , she comes back in my mind and wish she will contact me again and wanting to recycle ,Strange I know the answer... .Your comments would be much appreciated !

Thank you

[shatra]

What was the cause of the breakup?  What was the contact like earlier on before you went NC?  Do you feel she will contact you again after you ignored the last one?

[guy4caligirl]

Hi Shatra in my language Shatra means very smart 

The brake up was caused by the rages and accusation /abuse,Simply her BPD  won ,

I asked her  to leave numerous times during our R/S  for five years ,she didn't budge till  long after , when she was ready and left, btw she  wanted me to stop her but I didn't . She got back to her state ,met a replacement got engage a couple of months latter .

the topic of our communication was to leave her alone and always said ( I moved on as you should too )I couldn't at that time when I came to a term with the end of it I stopped contact .

I learned not to think much and analyze her thinking I gave up on that long time ago ,it use to eat me up but I am over that , so I don't know if she will or not , the only time I long for  her like I explained earlier when I am all alone after not finding what  I am looking for  , I know I should go on with my life and will find someone that appreciate me... .

[myself]

Not saying you are, but if you're dating to fill the time and space that you still deep down wish she was occupying, it makes sense to feel the emptiness when you're alone again. In time, the more you let go and the more you do move on, this can ease for you. What are you "looking for"?

[guy4caligirl]

Really , I don't think and I hope I'm not dating  for solely  that purpose only ,but I feel it's healthy to start dating again I don't want to sit and wait for her to recycle, I know I shouldn't... .  T

To be truthful I am still vulnerable  at the same time ready for a new relationship that based on both physical and mental chemistry .

[guy4caligirl]

Hey everyone ,

I am in need today for some good advice , I don't want to back to the way I felt a year ago , your comments and thoughts are welcome .

Thank you in advance .

[C.Stein]

To be truthful I am still vulnerable  at the same time ready for a new relationship that based on both physical and mental chemistry .

If you feel comfortable, why not share with us what you are feeling vulnerable about? 

I know I feel vulnerable right now.  Fear of getting hurt again, fear of getting my heart broken again, fear of getting caught in another toxic relationship, fear of being disappointed, fear of not seeing and/or ignoring red flags, fear of never finding another woman to share the incredibly deep bond I shared with her ... .etc.   Your fears can be addressed, but only if you can identify them first.

[guy4caligirl]

My fear is about falling back to her if she contacts me at this time because I am alone , I know I would love to see her again but am also  afraid that it won't work for long . Do you think I need more time to heal  ?

[C.Stein]

My fear is about falling back to her if she contacts me at this time because I am alone , I know I would love to see her again but am also  afraid that it won't work for long . Do you think I need more time to heal  ?

I also have the same fear man, but I know mine won't be coming back.  She is the type that once she turns her back on someone then it is over forever.  Plus she already moved on, and rather quickly I might add.  

Perhaps you do need more time to heal.  Only you can know that though.  If you know the type of relationship you had with her is unhealthy, then maybe reminding yourself of why it is/was bad for you will help.  

Try to think about what you really want out of a healthy relationship and it may give you some of that confidence back that you lost and confidence to keep from going back to her.

[guy4caligirl]

I also have the same fear man, but I know mine won't be coming back.  She is the type that once she turns her back on someone then it is over forever.  Plus she already moved on, and rather quickly I might add.

My ex  said the same exact thing  , and moved quickly ,  I am over with analyzing what goes in her mind , that's why I am preparing myself at how to react if she does contact me . I really don't want to go through this anymore . I will find what I

m looking for and hope everyone else does