First experience with BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello all,

I stumbled on this site, and I am so thankful I did becasuse I feel like it could really help me. So thank you in advance.

Short History: I met my xBPDgf in a joint fraternity/sorority function, as we are both in Greek life and in college. We hit it off, and things were great. She escalated the relationship verrrry quickly, and did outrageously nice things for me very fast, which made me slightly unconformable, and we progressed through all the phases of a BPD relationship. My therapist who has listened to our phone calls, is completely positive that she has BPD, and the abuse that she was putting me through was unreal.

Current Situation: We broke up yesterday because of an incident with another guy. He has been texting her for months trying to get with her, and she has ignored him, but the texts have escalated and I wanted her to tell him that it was inappropriate. Well, she ended up breaking up with me because we got into another fight about it, and now she is taking another guy on her sorority semi formal this Saturday. I have been looking forward to this with her for months, and I am completely devastated. She said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and that she needs space because she is tired of the  emotional roller coaster. The funny part is, a similar situation happened with a girl trying to get with me and I told her to stop at the request of my xBPDgf. Arguing with my eBPDgf is the most useless thing that I have ever attempted because no matter what logic you throw at her, she doesn't listen.

She is still following me on social media, and is stalking my accounts. My friend gave me the advice to remove all pictures I have of her on social media to "prove a point" and to "send a message". She quickly found out what I did, and did the same thing. She is purposely showing up to places where she knows I am for no reason. I do not talk to her, but it drives me insane. I am seeking therapy, but the sleepless nights are starting to really pile on.

What should I do, guys? Should I establish no contact" Will she reach out to me? I love her and want her back, but I am so hurt right now, I have no idea what to do.

Please help guys, I don't know where else to turn.

[Saradane]

Hello all,

I stumbled on this site, and I am so thankful I did becasuse I feel like it could really help me. So thank you in advance.

Short History: I met my xBPDgf in a joint fraternity/sorority function, as we are both in Greek life and in college. We hit it off, and things were great. She escalated the relationship verrrry quickly, and did outrageously nice things for me very fast, which made me slightly unconformable, and we progressed through all the phases of a BPD relationship. My therapist who has listened to our phone calls, is completely positive that she has BPD, and the abuse that she was putting me through was unreal.

Current Situation: We broke up yesterday because of an incident with another guy. He has been texting her for months trying to get with her, and she has ignored him, but the texts have escalated and I wanted her to tell him that it was inappropriate. Well, she ended up breaking up with me because we got into another fight about it, and now she is taking another guy on her sorority semi formal this Saturday. I have been looking forward to this with her for months, and I am completely devastated. She said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and that she needs space because she is tired of the  emotional roller coaster. The funny part is, a similar situation happened with a girl trying to get with me and I told her to stop at the request of my xBPDgf. Arguing with my eBPDgf is the most useless thing that I have ever attempted because no matter what logic you throw at her, she doesn't listen.

She is still following me on social media, and is stalking my accounts. My friend gave me the advice to remove all pictures I have of her on social media to "prove a point" and to "send a message". She quickly found out what I did, and did the same thing. She is purposely showing up to places where she knows I am for no reason. I do not talk to her, but it drives me insane. I am seeking therapy, but the sleepless nights are starting to really pile on.

What should I do, guys? Should I establish no contact" Will she reach out to me? I love her and want her back, but I am so hurt right now, I have no idea what to do.

Please help guys, I don't know where else to turn.

[Schermarhorn]

Hello all,

I stumbled on this site, and I am so thankful I did becasuse I feel like it could really help me. So thank you in advance.

Short History: I met my xBPDgf in a joint fraternity/sorority function, as we are both in Greek life and in college. We hit it off, and things were great. She escalated the relationship verrrry quickly, and did outrageously nice things for me very fast, which made me slightly unconformable, and we progressed through all the phases of a BPD relationship. My therapist who has listened to our phone calls, is completely positive that she has BPD, and the abuse that she was putting me through was unreal.

Current Situation: We broke up yesterday because of an incident with another guy. He has been texting her for months trying to get with her, and she has ignored him, but the texts have escalated and I wanted her to tell him that it was inappropriate. Well, she ended up breaking up with me because we got into another fight about it, and now she is taking another guy on her sorority semi formal this Saturday. I have been looking forward to this with her for months, and I am completely devastated. She said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and that she needs space because she is tired of the  emotional roller coaster. The funny part is, a similar situation happened with a girl trying to get with me and I told her to stop at the request of my xBPDgf. Arguing with my eBPDgf is the most useless thing that I have ever attempted because no matter what logic you throw at her, she doesn't listen.

She is still following me on social media, and is stalking my accounts. My friend gave me the advice to remove all pictures I have of her on social media to "prove a point" and to "send a message". She quickly found out what I did, and did the same thing. She is purposely showing up to places where she knows I am for no reason. I do not talk to her, but it drives me insane. I am seeking therapy, but the sleepless nights are starting to really pile on.

What should I do, guys? Should I establish no contact" Will she reach out to me? I love her and want her back, but I am so hurt right now, I have no idea what to do.

Please help guys, I don't know where else to turn.

She will most likely reach out after her relationship with the new guy ends.

But she will leave you again shortly after.

It is never going to be a healthy relationship, the choice is to either drag out the pain or start the grieving process now.

I chose to drag it out, and I am 6 months out of a 2-3 month relationship and I still feel terrible.

I ignored it when people on this board told me to run for my life, I was too emotionally invested to see what was happening.

It is understandable if you want to give it another chance, but you could be easier on yourself if you take it for what it is now.

You have an out.





Check out the staying boards, look at how a life with a BPD can ruin you. You wouldn't put stock into a failing company.

[guy4caligirl]

 "Arguing with my eBPDgf is the most useless thing that I have ever attempted because no matter what logic you throw at her, she doesn't listen "


Saradane

Isn't that the truth about BPD !

And guess what she will never listen in the future either .

My best advise to you and of course you are free to do what you want, that's what I suggest :

You seem at a young age ,you have all your future and your college education in front of you , just think for a moment if she gets pregnant from you to secure you ... .WOW

I suggest go NC and find someone else you are at the prime of you life .

time will heal your wounds in your case quicker than others good luck !

[hashtag_loyal]

My advice:

Step 1: RUN!

Step 2: Full No Contact

Step 3: Get on Tinder and move one with your life

You are actually in a good situation. There are typically more females than males on college campuses, so no matter where you are, there are most likely hundreds or thousands of available girls who are just as attractive as your ex, but actually capable of treating you with respect.

[babyducks]

People with BPD view their feelings as facts.  You can't argue with them because you will never convince them that they are feeling some thing different from what they are.

People with BPD believe that the feeling of the moment is true and will absolutely last forever.

Right up until it doesn't.

You can detach.

If you continue the relationship you need to understand the limits of a BPD relationship  and the fact that intense mood swings are part of the disorder.

[Saradane]

It just kills me because everything else about the relationship was perfect, besides this stupid disorder. Greek life is a small community, and I will be seeing her a lot. She is purposely trying to go to all events that I am going on, and I can't stop her.

It may sound petty, but her taking another guy to this event Saturday has literally destroyed me. It hurts beyond all belief. I just want to call her and tell her that this argument isn't worth the relationship, but I've tried that, and it hasn't worked.

Why is she still stalking me on social media? Why is she purposely following me around, and trying to befriend all my friends?

[babyducks]

It doesn't sound petty to me.

Shame, and maladaptive coping traits make people do odd things.

[Saradane]

It doesn't sound petty to me.

Shame, and maladaptive coping traits make people do odd things.

Do I just ignore her, and press on with no contact? The longest we've ever gone without talking is two days. My therapist prescribed me anti-depressants today, along with anxiety meds. I cannot believe all this is happening to me and I have nobody really to reach out to. She was my support, and now she is gone.

[babyducks]

My two cents are you do what is best, healthiest, most likely to make you comfortable for you.

Make your focus be on you.  And what works best for you.

[guy4caligirl]

I really do feel and know exactly what you're going through as many members also do .

You came to the right place you will be okay trust me , refrain (which is not that easy to do ) from thinking too much and trying to figure out the reason behind her acting this way   .

This mental illness is wicked and the disorder always win .

Hang in there buddy !

[Conundrum]

Do I just ignore her, and press on with no contact? The longest we've ever gone without talking is two days. My therapist prescribed me anti-depressants today, along with anxiety meds. I cannot believe all this is happening to me and I have nobody really to reach out to. She was my support, and now she is gone.

If you continue the relationship you need to understand the limits of a BPD relationship  and the fact that intense mood swings are part of the disorder.

As Baby Ducks said, you have to be very clear concerning what you want out of the relationship--recognizing the limitations and where you both are in life. After all, it's college--which basically is an insular bubble.

If you just want to have fun, albeit drama fueled fun with a college girl, while possessing the self-awareness that in the great scheme of things she more than likely will just be one of the colors you experience in the long-term palette of life--enjoy.

On the other hand, if cupid's arrows have besotted you (which happens to the best of us), and you're all swoony thinking she's the one you're going to offer a lifetime of devotion to--well perhaps it's best to reconsider taking into account that she's a college girl whom you suspect may have BPD.

However, if you're inclined on giving things a go with her, then don't express to her that you're lamenting the loss of (her) support. That isn't going to get you anywhere--and if she really is BPD there's a significant chance that she was supporting you due to mirroring, or she knew that's what you wanted. It's not like supporting you made her tingly all over (that's your need or want, not hers).  Though, if you're still looking to impress, don't act jealous, be confident, charming, witty etc. The opposite is desperate and needy. There's a saying that the person who cares less about the relationship holds all the power. While that may be a little simplistic--the underlying notion that you shouldn't lose your mind over an attachment and define your well being over a woman, or man is relatively spot on. if you notice that your course-work (grades) are slipping because of this situation, or you're drinking more than is wise--that's certainly a sign that you need to put this relationship in its proper perspective. Best of luck.       

[Forteventur]

Current Situation: We broke up yesterday because of an incident with another guy. He has been texting her for months trying to get with her, and she has ignored him, but the texts have escalated and I wanted her to tell him that it was inappropriate. Well, she ended up breaking up with me because we got into another fight about it, and now she is taking another guy on her sorority semi formal this Saturday. I have been looking forward to this with her for months, and I am completely devastated. She said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and that she needs space because she is tired of the  emotional roller coaster. The funny part is, a similar situation happened with a girl trying to get with me and I told her to stop at the request of my xBPDgf. Arguing with my eBPDgf is the most useless thing that I have ever attempted because no matter what logic you throw at her, she doesn't listen.

Wow, this soudns very similar to my experience. My BPD ex and I were sort of separated after an argument, but we still talked sometimes, and she mentioned she had met a guy in college and was interested in him, and that in two weeks he had proven to be better than me. But she wanted meet for sex (and talk), we do it, but end up having another argument and we have the most intense break-up until now. I reached out to her a couple of weeks later, saying how I missed her and wanted to be with her.

She laughed. Said she was with someone else, really happy, told me to forget about her, etc.

I wonder if she'd ever paint me white again.