BPD-vs-NPD

[Herodias]

Can someone please tell me if BPD's use gaslighting and devaluing like Narcissists?

[shatra]

BPD's use gaslighting when they have split someone black before and now they are splitting them white (I never said they were bad, you must be thinking of someone else... .I would never say that so and so is mean and dishonest---never happened!) Or vice versa---they try to convince you they never said a good word about someone who is now split blac  Or they gaslight to prevent themselves from being seen by you as at all negative (I never did that bad thing, I never said that bad thing)  because iin their mind you will also split them "all bad" if they acknowledge even a few defects

       BPDs devalue when they split black or when they are angry----they can't see the "demon" as having any good traits (too confusing for them) and their anger is intense. Narcissists are similar, but they devalue to make the other person look "worse" than them, so they can preserve their perfect self-view

[Ceruleanblue]

I think a lot of BPD/NPD share a lot of the same behaviors that abusers have, I just think it comes from a different place. I mean, pwBPD may not mean to be abusive, but their thinking or reasoning skills just work differently. I think in their clearer moments they can sometimes admit what they said or did was abusive, but when they are dysregulated, they just won't or can't.

To ME, while there might be abuse, they do have a "reason" why it happens. Still doesn't make it okay, but for me, it makes it easier to have some tolerance. I do view BPD as a serious mental disorder. I don't think it means they have the right to take no ownership though, or not work their issues. To me, if they just do that, the WHY(BPD) no longer much matters, and they really are just choosing to be abusive.

I can put up with some "abuse" if my BPDh admits it's an issue, and it committed to working on it.

[Svarl1]

Yes, I think all the cluster B personality disorders (APD, NPD, BPD, HPD) will devalue others, but each for different reasons.

What they have in common is that they see their needs as more desperately important than your individuality.

So if you don't go along with what they want then they will believe that you must be out of your mind.

The alternative is to accept that you are an individual human who has chosen other priorities.  They don't want to go there.