16 Daughter BPD

[Moosedad]

My 16 Year old adopted Daughter has BPD and we sent her to a residential Treatment Facility in Utah last June. Her Behaviors included self harm (cutting and burning) running away sneaking out of the house trying desperately to make friends she would hook up with guys and give sexual favors to gain friendships. She was hospitalized 4 times for suicide attempts in less then six months she went through a 16 week DBT out pacient program here at home before we decided we needed to send her to a place that could better keep her safe while she is going through therapy. This has been the toughest decision of our lives. She seemed to do better after the 16 week program for a couple of months no self harm was talking about her feelings and then she shut down again and began all of the behavior but worse. She is doing a better job of managing her emotions in treatment and seems to be gaining insight she didn't have before. It is both hard having her gone and also a relief at the same time. We visited her in October and will be going again in middle of December. My wife and I have two Adopted daughters both bio siblings my 16BPDd and her 13 year old sister. We have had both children for 11 years.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Moosedad,

Welcome to the Parenting board 

I'm glad you posted and shared what's going on. It's so painful to witness the kind of pain our kids go through, whether it's self harm or not wanting to live. There are positive stories here about residential treatment, and it also sounds like one step forward two steps back is not uncommon.

How did the visit go in October? How is your younger daughter dealing with everything?

It is a good sign that you were able to get her diagnosed as an adolescent. I know there are some parents here who encountered psychiatrists unwilling to make the diagnosis until the child turns 18, as though something magical happens at that age.

Keep posting, it really does help 

You're not alone.

LnL

[bpdmom1]

You are not alone!  Sounds so similar. 

We placed our 17 year old adopted daughter in a treatment center around the same time.  We adopted two girls (not bio) at 11 months and 18 months.  We also tried the intensive outpatient DBT just before the RTC.  I think being adopted has a lot to do with my daughter's behaviors plus a life altering injury she suffered when she was 10 years old.

I so understand how it can be both hard and a huge relief at the same time.  We are very lucky we are only a couple hours away and see her fairly often.  We had a super good session with her last Friday so right now I'm feeling good (I ride her emotional roller coaster).  I do know that might not be the case next time as she has been up and down at the RTC, similar to at home but not so intense. We are finding that this is a journey for the entire family. 

[unicorn2014]

Hi  MooseDad,   welcome to BPD family. I'm from the staying and coping boards.

may I ask if this behavior started when she was 15?

[Turkish]

Hi Moosedad,

I'd like to join the others in welcoming you here!

My mom adopted me, and hanging around a lot of other adoptive families, I saw a lot of the children came with issues, some very severe. How is your D13, and how is she handling this overall? I had some issues when my mom got me at 2.4, similar in age to you D11 (in retrospect, I may have had an anxious/avoidant attachment style: supress emotions, don't cry, avoid seeking comfort), your other daughter was old enough to witness and internalize a lot more.

Have you seen the lessons to the right of the board? There is a lot of info there to learn about BPD, and also about communication tools developed to help validate the feelngs of a person with BPD, which can help reduce conflict. I look forward to hearing more and how best we can support you, Moosedad.



Turkish

[lbjnltx]

Hi MooseDad,

Glad you are here!

My d went through the RTC experience at Falcon Ridge for 10 months.  It was rough at the beginning and when she began to work the program the changes she made for herself were outstanding.

Today, at 19 she still retains the skills she learned 5 years ago at Falcon Ridge so our decision to go with RTC, this one in particular, was the right choice.

What kind of therapy is she doing at the RTC?  Is she still doing a full DBT program there?

lbj