Hi julsch
I would like to join
Turkish in welcoming you here. He has made some excellent points about the fear of abandonment.
Your mother's behavior sounds quite unpleasant indeed. How long ago did your parents get divorced?
Being an only child of a BPD parent can be very difficult. I was raised by my uBPD mom and although I have siblings, they are way older than me and for many years I lived alone with my mother.
The way you describe the good and bad days of your mother, also makes me think of the BPD behavior known as 'splitting':
Splitting refers to a primitive defense mechanism characterized by a polarization of good feelings and bad feelings, of love and hate, of attachment and rejection.
Splitting is a powerful unconscious force that manifests to protect against anxiety. Rather than providing real protection, splitting leads to destructive behavior and turmoil, and the often confused reactions by those who try to help.
Some degree of splitting is an expected part of early mental development. It is seen in young children who, early on, press to be told "Is it good?" or "Is it bad?" We hear their frustration when we answer, "Situations are more complicated" "Yes, I know all that," they say, "now tell me, is it good or is it bad?"
Normally, mental maturing advances the ego's ability to accept paradoxical affects, and to synthesize and balance complex situations.
... .
Individuals suffering from borderline personality disorders live in an immature psychological world, fueled by certain constitutional vulnerabilities, where they attempt to shield themselves from conflict and anxiety by splitting the world into all good and all bad. Although this produces an sense of psychological safety, in fact, it renders relationships fragile and chaotic and drives away the very people who are so badly needed to provide stability in the borderlines life.
Do you feel like this description applies to your mother's behavior? You can read more about this subject here:
BPD BEHAVIORS: SplittingTake care
