holycow123
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 2
|
 |
« on: December 28, 2015, 02:10:17 PM » |
|
Not sure where to start. Met my UBPDGF 1.5 years ago, started off slowly at first, we talked and went out a few times the first month or so. We went away for 5 days and thats when the relationship became intimate for the first time. She asked if we were going to be exclusive after that, and I said yes, as I dont date more than one person at a time. She also asked me if she thought that us sleeping together was going to mess up the relationship. At the time I thought that was an odd question, however the last 12 months have shed some light on why she asked. We were together for about 3 months before our first real blow-up. We went out one night with friends, and she had been drinking, we got back to the house, and she blew up on me because I had sent my ex-wife an e-mail. She was upset because she felt like she should have been included in the e-mail as far as its content, etc. It should be noted that the e-mail I sent was asking my ex-wife if my son could miss a day of school to go away for the weekend with us. We had talked about it the day before, so it was not anything that had not been discussed. Things were a little off after that, and I could feel her pulling away. One morning after that she said that I was talking in my sleep, and asked me what a name meant to me that I had said while sleeping. Not sure where it came from but the name was my High School French teacher. The next day after that she tells me that I am lying, and that the name belongs to a call girl in NY. It should be noted that the name of the call girl was not the same as my french teacher, they shared the same last name, which is somewhat common. I told her that I did not know who that person was and have never been to a call girl in my entire life. That died down for awhile, but it did come back a few other times.
In February we took a 30 day break, at the suggestion of her therapist. We got back together at the end of the 30 days and things seemed to be better for about a month or so, then she would get upset, and tell me not to call her again and that we were done. During that time I did not call her, then she would text, e-mail, etc, and ask me why I was not calling her etc. I advised that I was respecting her request to not call her. She said that if I really love here that I would fight for her. I told her that I was not going to force the issue, if she didnt want me calling her than I wouldnt. Im not in High School, and am not playing that game, Im 50, and she is 44. We did not see each other for about one month, and then got back together again, this time it lasted about 30 days again. During the time that we were apart the second time, we each went to a week long intense therapy facility. We went at different times, but both had similar experiences. We both shared some of our experiences duriing this week long therapy session, and it seamed to bring us closer together. My GF has been diagnosed with PTSD, although I think that she could have BPD as weel. I say that because one day cleaning up I found a book about BPD. I asked her about it, and she said that she got it because she thinks that I might have BPD. I have my own issues from childhood, my mother left when I was 3 years old, so I have abandonment issues, and during my week long therapy have discovered that I am co-dependent. My GF was sexually abused by her brother when she was about 12-14. I dont really know the full extent of it, because she did not go into much detail and I did not ask, as I was unsure how to handle that kind of information. She also in the matter of 5 years lost both her parents, and her husband, they all died. It has been about 10 years since her husband died, he was 29 years older than her so a bit of an age difference. When we first met she told me that she was usually attracted to guys much older than her, although she had dated some younger guys as well. The first night that we ever got togther face to face, she told me a lot about her past, a lot more than I had ever experienced with someone before, expecially having just met.
I have not seen her in about 5 weeks. The last time I saw her she was sick, and had the flu. I spent the weekend tending to her, and we did have sex 3 times, which I was a little surprised since she was not feeling well. The next day after work I went to her palce to see how she was feeling, and she was still feeling bad. I took care of her that evening and when we went to bed we started fooling around, she was tired, and asked if we could finish in the morning. I said sure no problem, and we went to sleep. The next morning when the alarm went off, I got up and she was still sleeping. I took a shower and when I came out of the bathroom she was up and getting dressed. I was a little surprised since she still had a fever. I asked her if she was OK, and she said yes, althought I felt like she was pissed about somehting. I did not press her because I thought maybe she really was OK. Well she wasnt, I got to work and then the texts started. So as it turns out she was upset because we did not finish what we had started the night before. It should be noted that she finished but I did not if you get my drift. I tried to explain that I felt like since she was still sleeping and not feeling well, that it was better to let her sleep. Well that turned into how I dont care about her, how I never finish what I start, etc, etc. Our sex life is way more than what I have experienced in my past relationships, its at least once a day during the week, and on the weekends its more like 2-3 times a day. I like sex, but man I cant keep up with that pace, and Ive told her that. She has told me that she feels like I dont desire her like other people she has dated. I love her for her whole self and not just her physical self. So anyway she goes off about how shes pissed that I didnt wake her up, and all that, so that was the week of Thanksgiving. She texts me here and there, but we have not talked. On Christmas she texts me to wish me a Merry Christmas, and I responded with the same., then she tells me in a text "wishful thinking, but she wishes that we were away somewhere together, then she goes back to telling me that its over. As it stands now, I have not pursued her as far as asking her when we wil see eachother again, etc. She informed me in a text that she will be out of town starting tomorrow until New Years, and she made a point of telling me where she was going, and that she would think of me. The place she is going is a place that she and have been to many times over the past 12 months. I dont know if she is telling me that to stick it my face, or because she misses me. I really dont get it, on one hand she says that she misses me, and then on the other hand its over and I shouldnt call her again, or we can just be friends. I have already told her that I dont want to be just friends and if thats what she really wants, then I will walk away. I have enough friends, I want to spend my life with her, if she doesnt feel that way, thats fine then lets move on.
Also almost from the beginning, she has told me about all of these other guys who interested in her. I have met some of them so I know they exist. I have told her in the past that I cant compete with the entire world, she has told me that she feels more desire from some of these other guys that she does from me. I think sometimes she confuses physical desire with emotional intimacy. I desire her physically, but I am not going to act like all I want is to jump her bones all of the time. Im really at a loss for what has happened in the last 12 months, I dont ever recall being so confused in any of my past relationships before, and not really sure what to do. When things are good thet are great, but when its bad its horrible.
|
