Borderline sibling is ripping family apart

[saythereshope]

I have a dBPD-sibling. Her condition has been particularly acute for the last year and I have spent the last year reading every book on BPD and doing what I can to balance supporting her and preserving my own mental health.

In the last month, my efforts have fallen significantly short. With her using suicide threats as a weapon, ratcheting up the abuse and triangulation, and culminating in her calling the police on a family member and telling them that that family member had a gun and was going to kill all the household members, leading to a SWAT team invading their home.

This last incident was a final straw for me. My mental health was already in jeopardy and then I realized that she was capable of anything, and that I am no longer safe in my own home because of her.

The last two weeks I have gone no contact. She has attempted to suck me back in but I have resisted. It has felt good and I have been able to regain some measure of stability.

However, that all went in the toilet this weekend. dBPD-sis announced that she is moving home to live with my father, 10 minutes away. There are few other options. She's lost her job and if she doesn't move home, she's likely going to be homeless or in jail. But the rest of the family, due to the SWAT-team/gun incident, no longer feels safe around her and wants no relationship. As a result, they are in a panic at the thought of her increased proximity.

I, for my part, am very scared. Her condition is quite serious right now.

I am scared for my father. That he is trying to hard to save her and is doing so at the expense of his own safety and mental health. My other siblings firmly believe that by taking her in that he's making a choice to save her life at the expense of their safety. My father, on the other hand, can't just stand by and let her be homeless.

I am scared what this means about what kind of relationship I can have with him moving forward.

I am scared about the precarious mental health and security of the rest of my family.

It's such a horrible thing that one broken person can destroy an entire family, but it's happening before my very eyes. I'm overwhelmed and I don't know how to protect myself and my loved ones anymore. It's all falling apart. All because of BPD.

I am in therapy, but it's not doing me a lot of good. Any advice from the folks here?

[Suzn]

Welcome back saythereshope 

I'm sorry you're not feeling safe right now.    Deep breaths my friend. I read some of what you wrote in another thread and it sounds as though you are handling your boundaries with your sister well.

With her using suicide threats as a weapon, ratcheting up the abuse and triangulation, and culminating in her calling the police on a family member and telling them that that family member had a gun and was going to kill all the household members, leading to a SWAT team invading their home.

What a scary situation your family member had. Will there be any consequences for your sister for making this false allegation?

It would be good to read up on extinction bursts, as it sounds like her behaviors have been getting worse. Most of this was written with a partner in mind however it works the same with a family member. Knowing what this is and how to handle these behaviors may help calm the fears you and your family are experiencing. 

BPD BEHAVIORS: Extinction Bursts

I'm glad to hear you are working with a therapist now. It's good to have someone you can talk to face2face to offer support when you're feeling this way. We're always for you too.