need more advice, It's bad when you don't want to go home

Pretty much cant take it any longer. I can if I take it one day at a time... .I can get through this day but this day will lead into a year and the next thing I know I will be an old man living a miserable existence.

How to deal with the remainder of this day, need some help. I don't want to go home. I don't want to put my game face on today.

I navigated this morning around some texts that had to do with dirty dishes (which I talked about in another post) and some other "issues" she had with me. Thought things were ok. She send me a text letting me know that she has decided against a type of dog she wanted because of the shedding issues. I was letting that play out because I figured she would look at it from a high maintenance standpoint.

I sent her an I love you text, she texted back love you too. Then she texted, having a hard day. I texted her some encouraging words then gave her a call. She appreciated the call and words spoken

then she brought up last night... .I went back to our room around 10:30 watched my show online then I could not fall asleep. I was feeling neglected by my wife because she spends most of the day playing games on ipad. I let her know I was going back to the room instead of just going back without communicating it. I was respecting something she asked me a couple of weeks ago. Anyway she comes back about 12:30 I couldn't sleep and I was not saying much, therefore in her mind I am ignoring her. So the questioning begins are you ok? I say yes. she says you are acting weird. All I was doing was not talking. I sat up on the edge of the bed debating whether to get out of bed instead of lay there and be awake. I just did not say that there was a little something bothering me. anyway I finally go out in the living room and sit for a while to try to get tired again. She come out and asks me what I am doing I said I can't sleep, again she says I am acting weird.

All this crap to me is projection. Still does not make it easy. She can stay up all hours of the night and I have been called an effing moron and and idiot for asking her what she is doing. so she goes to bed.

fast forward to today... .she asks me about last night and after she kept asking me what was wrong I let her know that I felt slightly ignored. stupid me I told her how I felt and I was apprehensive as I was telling her. Well I was told how my behavior affects her and she had bad dreams that we were fighting. She said because with all the stuff she has going on with her depression and other issues I am just a weight around her neck when I get like that. I say to her... . So you just see me as a weight around your neck? She said after all I said to you that is all you got out of this? and she hung up the phone on me, she said I don't want to talk to you because I don't want to cry. So what I hear is that I am an integral part of when she feels bad, I could tip

I guess if I am fighting depression that doesn't matter. I understand this is what they do and they don't care, just hard to deal with

just venting



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