Is my ex BPD?

[littlemissb]

Hello, everyone

I've just joined the forum. I an a non-BPD and have many reasons to believe my ex has BPD. I am 30-yo female, he is 33-yo male

He was a dream man in the first 6 months. Saying that I was the first one he wanted to get married, asked me to choose a ring to our engagement, that our love was strong. How I was the best gf he had and the others girls were mean to him. Between 6-9 months he began being explosive, childish behavior, having rage outbursts (getting worse when drinking), super jealous, paranoid, always tired, depressive traits (I had depression myself and know how it feels). He also was always happy around his friends and started to treat me altering between good and bad. He dropped his plans of marrying me, and also stopped initiating sex. He became very irritated when I mentioned sex and said he couldn't do it was because of our fights - fights that he was the one initiating. Before that, we would have sex 5 times a weekend.

Most part of our fights were because I told him he should be more considerating with his family. He used to call some of his friends brothers/sisters. I thought that his parents marriage was a mess that they had many affairs but the truth is that he CONSIDERES them because of the log period of relationship. His family is totally present and he lives with them until this day.

After the break up, I put together the pieces and found out in the last 5 years he had in average 2 relationships per year - usually lasting from 3 to 6 months. Mine with him lasted 13 months.

He broke up saying I made him do it. I contacted him via social media and then cut the contact because he said he was forcing himself into the relationship. After all that he said and did, he dropped the relationship like that? It was not just words, he was consisted with actions. There was no reason for the breakup, only the fights. Now, after only 4 months he is already in a relationship with other girl.

Is he just a**hole or BPD? He goes to therapy for years and said he was much worse with his other gfs. I never heard that he was suicidal. I know he gambles a little and is very reckless while driving. Of course I'm not detailing everything, but he seems to be BPD to me.

Now he is close to my best friend - I introduced them. He is dating other girl, why is he trying to be friends with my bf? I told her he is trying to reach me through her but she said he never asks about me. I believe he is stalking me through social media, using fake profiles to add me.

Any insights would be appreciated.

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[SweetCharlotte]

I told her he is trying to reach me through her but she said he never asks about me. I believe he is stalking me through social media, using fake profiles to add me.

If you are still curious, go to one of the diagnostic websites and see if he matches enough behaviors. It's not medically trustworthy, but it might put your curiosity to rest. From what you relate, I cannot tell if he has BPD, bipolar illness, NPD (that is my gut diagnosis though), antisocial personality, or simple alcoholism.

I am a little troubled by your final comments. These indicate that you are obsessing over the breakup. Whatever he was, your own mental health is now the only concern. You haven't mentioned whether you are in counseling. It might be a good idea. Also, if you are to stay NC with him, which is the only sure road to recovery, you should find another best friend, at least for now. Detach with love from the one who is with him until you are sure that they are no longer together. She will understand. Most women avoid dating their best friend's ex.

[littlemissb]

Thank you very much for your answer.

Yes, I did the online testing. Also read a book and for me he is BPD.

I don't know is he is NPD because he used to say "how can a girl like you be with someone like me?" and "any guy is better than me".

I still baffled with the breakup. I am still moving on after 4 months, I guess it is pretty normal. The good thing is that I am not depressed.

Are BPD stalkers? It seems to me that he broke up but won't let go, that's why he is being friendly with my friend.