Scared

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Anyone else scared to leave.  I had counseling this week and realized one reason I stay is bc I'm scared how he would respond if I left him. I hate feeling this way. I just don't know where else to go. Yes I have a great support system but they understand what it's like to live with someone like this... .No one understands!  I don't feel I am in any physical harm but the emotional part sometimes is just too much to stand. I know for my own well being I need to leave but how.  Looking for just about any advise at this point.  I know the only one I can control is me but its hard knowing what you should do but scared to do it.

Thanks to here I know I'm not alone. 

[RR4U]

Anyone else scared to leave.  I had counseling this week and realized one reason I stay is bc I'm scared how he would respond if I left him. I hate feeling this way. I just don't know where else to go. Yes I have a great support system but they understand what it's like to live with someone like this... .No one understands!  I don't feel I am in any physical harm but the emotional part sometimes is just too much to stand. I know for my own well being I need to leave but how.  Looking for just about any advise at this point.  I know the only one I can control is me but its hard knowing what you should do but scared to do it.

Thanks to here I know I'm not alone. 

[JaneStorm]

For me, I just kept reading the resource material here. It helps.

[RR4U]

What resources helped?

[JaneStorm]

https://bpdfamily.com/portfolio-broken

[fromheeltoheal]

And remember RR, any decision made in a state of fear is the wrong decision.  It can be helpful to imagine if you weren't afraid, what would you do?  What would be the right thing to do?  And if that's still too close, imagine someone else in your situation who's also afraid; what would you advise them to do, from that detached, fearless place?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey RR4U, We understand and really "get it" when it comes to BPD.

Apart from your concerns about his reaction, what do you want to see happen?

You're not a prisoner, my friend, though I understand that sometimes it feels like that in a BPD r/s.

Presumably you are walking on the proverbial eggshells.

Suggest you listen to your gut feelings.

LuckyJim

[RR4U]

Hello TY

I would love to see it work but I just don't see him getting any better. He's been going to counseling and yea there is some improvements but it's not where I would hope it be as we come to an end of another year.  Your right on the egg shells.  My gut is telling me to start making a safe plan for myself. Going to bring a bag of clothes to a friends house in case I need to hide for a day or two.  No one know this except of course here and my friend. And no one even knows where she lives.    Scary to think this way but it's what I feel I need to do. 

Thank you for the support on this page.   

[Lucky Jim]

Hello again, RR4U, Having an escape plan is a good idea, in my view.  I kept an overnight bag with a toothbrush and a change of clothes in my car, sad to say, but that was the reality of my life at that time.  The stress was immense and affected my outlook.  I actually used to entertain fantasies that, if I ever went to prison, it would be a relief.  Crazy, I know, but that's how BPD affects those close to the pwBPD.

LuckyJim