10 weeks NC and counting

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So, tomorrow will make 10 weeks since I last saw my BPDx - when he almost killed me.

I can't believe it has been 10 weeks.

I just wanted to take a few minutes to put on "paper" how I am doing, and maybe what has helped.

+ I have continued talk therapy

+ No contact has been hard, but I have maintained it for 10 weeks with only 2 slip ups. He never responded, probably because of the restraining order. That was over a month ago.

+ There have been good weeks and bad weeks... .but they are turning more into good days and bad days.

+ I am completely in control of the drama. The worst times have been when I have allowed the drama back in.

+ It still hurts like the first day. It's a deeper hurt than I ever could have imagined. I have not woken up in that "new attitude" yet... .I think its coming. I think the withdrawal period will end at some point.

+ I still miss him. He has moved on... .so it is propelling me to move onward too.

+ I dug in deep with my issues regarding my FOO. I discovered my mom is a narcissist... .and I do have some mild, learned, narcissistic behavior.

+ I am really bad at validating... .so I am working on that.

+ I am trying to love myself and make decisions because I love myself. I am trying to realize that it is ok, and that it isn't narcissistic to love myself.

+ I have become much closer to my D6.

+ I am digging into attachment theory now.

+ I realize I am not ready to date again, even though I really want to. Hopefully in the next month or two I will feel more like getting out there.

+ Helping others and developing friendships has, at times, helped to stave off the loneliness

+ I think I am going to start coming to the boards less as I really feel like it can pull me back in at times.  As much as I want to help others, my better days are the ones where I don't think much about BPD and my ex. Coming here can somewhat trigger me back into it. I feel like this is a helpful place for me, but maybe just not so frequently.

[cloudten]

So, tomorrow will make 10 weeks since I last saw my BPDx - when he almost killed me.

I can't believe it has been 10 weeks.

I just wanted to take a few minutes to put on "paper" how I am doing, and maybe what has helped.

+ I have continued talk therapy

+ No contact has been hard, but I have maintained it for 10 weeks with only 2 slip ups. He never responded, probably because of the restraining order. That was over a month ago.

+ There have been good weeks and bad weeks... .but they are turning more into good days and bad days.

+ I am completely in control of the drama. The worst times have been when I have allowed the drama back in.

+ It still hurts like the first day. It's a deeper hurt than I ever could have imagined. I have not woken up in that "new attitude" yet... .I think its coming. I think the withdrawal period will end at some point.

+ I still miss him. He has moved on... .so it is propelling me to move onward too.

+ I dug in deep with my issues regarding my FOO. I discovered my mom is a narcissist... .and I do have some mild, learned, narcissistic behavior.

+ I am really bad at validating... .so I am working on that.

+ I am trying to love myself and make decisions because I love myself. I am trying to realize that it is ok, and that it isn't narcissistic to love myself.

+ I have become much closer to my D6.

+ I am digging into attachment theory now.

+ I realize I am not ready to date again, even though I really want to. Hopefully in the next month or two I will feel more like getting out there.

+ Helping others and developing friendships has, at times, helped to stave off the loneliness

+ I think I am going to start coming to the boards less as I really feel like it can pull me back in at times.  As much as I want to help others, my better days are the ones where I don't think much about BPD and my ex. Coming here can somewhat trigger me back into it. I feel like this is a helpful place for me, but maybe just not so frequently.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey cloud ten, It sounds like you're doing pretty well, under the circumstances.  My suggestion is that you stay the course.  It's a rough ride at 10 weeks out, I understand, but I can confirm that it leads to greater happiness, with less drama and abuse.       I can understand what you mean about getting stirred up when you visit this site; for me, however, I find that writing about BPD helps to drain the poison.  I hope at some point to reach a place where I'm indifferent to BPD, though I'm not there yet.  My plan is to continue posting until it's out of my system entirely.  In the meantime, I want to help others, if I can, to navigate the treacherous waters.

LuckyJim

[cloudten]

yes, staying on the board is a mixed bag for me. I really want to help others... .first and foremost. But part of it is triggering. I think cutting back a little is good for me right now.

[Lucky Jim]

Definitely!  Do what feels right for you.  LJ