In a real bind with BPD ex-wife. Need no contact but I'm her only family

[krazyblue]

After dealing years of emotional abuse and knowing that she regularly struggled with will to live.  She is tortured by her horrifically abusive childhood being raised by a BPD addict.  She had threatened to harm herself if I left when I tried to leave before.  She had also told me that I was the only thing in her life worth living for.  About 3yrs ago she got severe rheumatiod arthitis and had to stop working about 2yrs ago.  Since then her grasp of reality slipped more and more.  About a month and half ago I told her that I need to separate and live somewhere else.  We started couples therapy to deal with the separation.  I moved into an apartment 12/7 with money that I borrowed from my sister.  Last Monday at couples therapy my wife completely melted down, told the therapy she couldn't deal, wanted to die, and was going to an ER after the session.  That night a counselor from the ER told me about her plan to overdose and where she had hidden the pills that I needed to dispose of.  They also transferred her to a mental hospital.  The couples therapist told me to go NC until she was at least 3 mos free of suicidal ideation. However, this is not entirely possible since she doesn't have disability yet, is financially dependent on me, needs my health insurance, and I'm her only family since she can't have contact with her extremely abusive family.  My wife has couple me twice since she has been in there even though she wasn't supposed to.  Today I told her that I couldn't talk to her again without a therapist present.  She was actually thinking that I would pick her up from there this week and spend xmas with her.  We are separated.  I moved out.  She doesn't get it.  I really don't want contact with her but we own a house together and I have to pay for her living and care.

I am in the process of filing for a legal separation.  I hate to do this to her but I just can't be around her behavior anymore. I really hope that the institution will help her with outside support.  She doesn't have any real friends to support her.  I don't know what to do with or how to get her to understand that I'm can only act as a tough love family member.  I can't be her partner anymore or even a friend at this point.  I wish she did have other people in her life and wasn't disabled.  I have to stay away from her yet I have to be responsible for the house, bills, and paying for her care. It's a really complicated and ___ty situation.

[Fr4nz]

That's a very sad and difficult situation for your wife krazy, I really don't know what to suggest... .let's see if Skip has some good advices to give.

We all know how BPDs can put under heavy test our own emotional sanity, but leaving your wife completely alone considering her state... .I don't know.

[guy4caligirl]

Hi Krazy

Actually I am in the same position as you are now but in a different situation as we all have unique cases .

It's tough , I am her only one also that she can depend on .

I had to stop all this enabling last night , the board helped me see the two sides of my involvement at this time , Skip advised me not to say anything anymore for 8 weeks  ,he is absolutely right .He did advised me in the past and always worked .

I finally stopped communicating with her as of last night .

I know you are struggling now with what to do , you will come out with a decision sooner than you think .

Hang in there !