Verily, Run, and protect yourself

[cbm419]

this ex of a BPD is struggling.

very recently, I discovered the titanium screws in my orbital lobe (eye socket), shattered by my BPD.  Ive ignored inspecting my skull to avoid any emotional pain regarding what happened.

This screws were not immediately detectable.

Yet, tonight, I was rubbing my lower eyelid and felt the scratchy dissoance of 6 screw now permanently imbedded in my face.

just like my surgeons pictures.  we texted a lot because he has pioneered a novel surgery that has zero scars or noticiable work.  it was about 50k.  a pile no casual man would like to pay.

i feel the screws every hour or so... .

i am permanently disfigured by my BPD.

please, just run. I should have years ago, but fell into the trap of "it will all get better if i just loved harder."

every morning i hit my knees, pray to my lord, and am oft reduced to tears wondering how someone i once called the love of my life could collapse his boy friends face

[cbm419]

i would tell any partner of a BPD in this moment to run. run for your life- one day it may be exactly that. I can wax all sorts of dysfunction regarding my specific place at the end of servere abuse... .

but what i most want to impart, is this abuse was a beginning. not an end.

i have scars over my arm from deep bites.  Have come home to my family with visible black eyes and welts all over me.

its been two weeks since i left bfwBPD and each day clarity floods in more and more:

How could i ever think this type of relationship was normal?
How could I ever accept ABUSE at a level far above what any other decent person could.

The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over, and somehow expect a different result.

fellows here... .these partners will never change. if they do, you are in the 1%... but why take that 1% over the 99% functional partners.

just run. and quick. Every day since NC has felt like a baptism of spiritual renewal

[babyducks]

Hi cbm419,

I'm sorry you experienced all that.    It must have been, and most continue to be very difficult stuff.   Having experienced significant physical abuse has to leave a person just devastated.   The betrayal of trust alone added to the physical recovery is beyond imagination.    How are you doing with it all?   

I noticed you said it was two weeks since you left you bfwBPD.   You are somewhere safe now?   

You've probably noticed that as you read amongst this website that there are stories similar to yours.   My relationship also had an episode of violence in it, just one episode, and it's a long complicated story.    It's enough to say that I ended up with four screws and a titanium plate in my right hand.    That's what made me notice your post.   I too can feel the screws, especially in the cold.

I think you are right, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.   that's a good point.

if you feel up to it, will you drop back and tell us what you think about the questions you posed?   How does one think this type of relationship is normal?  Why do we accept abuse?   I know the process I took to get into the relationship.   And the process I am taking to get out of there.    Sometimes sharing is helpful, when I post I learn a lot about what I think.   The discipline of organizing my thoughts by writing them out has been part of my recovery.

'ducks