Update on my move across the country from uBPD mom...

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello all,

Happy holidays! As you all know, I moved across the country from the east to west coast less than two months ago. Who ever said distance doesn't make a difference and you can live next door and still maintain boundaries... .um... .well, in my case was WRONG! Because I cannot tell you how much distance is helping me! I barely think about uBPd anymore. I talk t her every few days. This was my first Christmas ever away with just my husband and my son and we went on vacation to Mexico! I cannot even tell you how freeing this all feels.

I felt guilt when I first moved and now I feel none! Because realistically I step back and see how much she has taken away from me... .Beverly holiday, every occasion was always about mom Bd her drama... .she ruined ever everything from my honeymoon to my law school graduation to my child's first birthday... .was I going to stick around Nd just take it forever ? Sorry you miss yijr grandson mom,but too bad!

I'm finally feeling like there is hope in my life.when she says she misses me and my son I emphasize but I feel no.guilt. Either way, through work i go back every two months for at least a week.going back in mid Jan for two weeks. But honestly I don't think the guilt when I'm there will affect me much... .because I'm not staying!

Also I'm.Also a bit surprised by how quickly I seem to be forgetting that any of it ever happened. Maybe I was so desperate to get rid of all of it. And I think my husband is feeling better too... .Funny thing I'd whenever I have gone home from vacation I have dreaded going home... .because I am like ugh... .have to go back to dealing with my mom. But not feeling the dread... .Maybe will go back in two years since our house is there... .but for now I needed this more than anything to figure out myself and my life... .in 36 years for the first time. Happy holidays!

[MiserableDaughter]

Hello all,

Happy holidays! As you all know, I moved across the country from the east to west coast less than two months ago. Who ever said distance doesn't make a difference and you can live next door and still maintain boundaries... .um... .well, in my case was WRONG! Because I cannot tell you how much distance is helping me! I barely think about uBPd anymore. I talk t her every few days. This was my first Christmas ever away with just my husband and my son and we went on vacation to Mexico! I cannot even tell you how freeing this all feels.

I felt guilt when I first moved and now I feel none! Because realistically I step back and see how much she has taken away from me... .Beverly holiday, every occasion was always about mom Bd her drama... .she ruined ever everything from my honeymoon to my law school graduation to my child's first birthday... .was I going to stick around Nd just take it forever ? Sorry you miss yijr grandson mom,but too bad!

I'm finally feeling like there is hope in my life.when she says she misses me and my son I emphasize but I feel no.guilt. Either way, through work i go back every two months for at least a week.going back in mid Jan for two weeks. But honestly I don't think the guilt when I'm there will affect me much... .because I'm not staying!

Also I'm.Also a bit surprised by how quickly I seem to be forgetting that any of it ever happened. Maybe I was so desperate to get rid of all of it. And I think my husband is feeling better too... .Funny thing I'd whenever I have gone home from vacation I have dreaded going home... .because I am like ugh... .have to go back to dealing with my mom. But not feeling the dread... .Maybe will go back in two years since our house is there... .but for now I needed this more than anything to figure out myself and my life... .in 36 years for the first time. Happy holidays!

[GeekyGirl]

That's fantastic, MiserableDaughter! I'm glad that you finally got to experience a drama-free and fun holiday.

Sometimes space and distance can work wonders. It sounds like moving and getting a fresh start really helped you get grounded and take care of yourself. Knowing that you'll be able to return to your new place on the west coast will undoubtedly help you when you do visit your old hometown too.

Happy Holidays to you too!

[Kwamina]

Hi MiserableDaughter

Thanks for this update! Great to hear that you now perhaps for the first time are experiencing what it's really like to have Happy Holidays

The physical distance between you and your parents has clearly been liberating for you and given you room to breathe. You now have the chance to really start healing yourself and working on living your life the way you want it.

I also like what you say about empathy and guilt. I know how much you struggled with guilt before so I truly find it wonderful to hear you're making progress. That you're able to empathize with your mom is also something I find very important. Empathy and validation are almost magical tools that not only connect us to others on a deeper level, but in fact also help us connect with ourselves on a deeper level.

Take care and Happy New Year