How do you guys deal with that lingering feeling?

[Schermarhorn]

Hey guys and girls, first I want to wish you all a happy new year!

Now to summarize my story, my presumed BPD exGF of 3 atrocious months left me for another guy in June. After she got dumped we talked for a few weeks afterward in August and then she quit talking to me again to get with another guy. In October I started dating another girl and everything has been going great. I have my ex blocked on everything and we have had no contact.

The problem I am having is that I still have that feeling that she is going to pop out at a random time. To either cause trouble with me, or to attempt at a recycle. I keep imagining in my head what she would do when she finally surfaces, or what I would say in reply to a text from her.

I've got to the point where I don't really miss her anymore, but this feeling has me on edge and thinking of her when I don't want to. Part of me would want to talk to her, but its hopeless for her to understand anything I would say. What are some ways to get this feeling too go away?

Thanks.

[Itstopsnow]

       It will fade in time. We were in very high stress and trauma/drama zones with are BPD Ex's. She may or may not come back but if she does you know she can't give you what you need and deserve. after a while if you saw her you probably won't have the same reaction as you are anticipating now. Sep. when relationships end kind of without closure and things seem unsettled . I feel like one day my ex may even try and come back but by then I will be so over it that I won't need to be mean, cold or cruel. I will be moved on and indifferent . I already somewhat forgive him. I know I will get there at some point I hope. He is sick and part of it is the disorder but he knows right from wrong and doesn't want help. So we have to get out of the way of their destructive path. Believe me she isn't going to be happier with or without you. Try and enjoy your new year without her

[blanchard]

I will second that opinion: the feeling will fade into oblivion. 

There was a time in my life when the simplest communique from her during one of her extended absences would have been like Manna from Heaven. 

Now I cringe at the thought of all the energy I misdirected towards a fundamentally flawed individual who saw the world through a set of pathological defences so formidable that they made the Great Wall look tame by comparison.

You have the ultimate say in whether or not communication will ever foment. 

[blissful_camper]

I agree. I think this is something that simply takes time. One day you will lose track of the length of separation and no contact. You'll grow from the experience and you'll heal. One day your worries will fade. Do the work and one day you may look back feeling grateful that your experiences fostered growth in you.

It was a difficult journey for me, but wow, I'm thankful, happy, still single and feeling ... .content, peaceful and aiming for filling my life with meaningful experiences. (How can I make today count and meaningful?)  I've found that's what brings me happiness.

ExBPD reached out to wish me happy holidays. I hadn't heard from him in I don't know how long. I was surprised, but I viewed it as an old friend touching base. His reaching out didn't trigger anxiety or unpleasant memories. I just accepted his communication as a nice gesture. And that was it. It's enough to just receive a gesture of kindness and then let it go.