New Years Resolutions - Recap 2015 & Reboot 2016?

[Trog]

It's nearly that time and most of us who have made it to L6 at least have the ability to turn the lens on ourselves instead of focusing on our disordered exes so I thought it would be nice if we all stated our aims in 2016, health and recovery wise or elsewise.

2015 has been a year of recovery for me (and many of you!) and I've gained great insight into my new favourite topic; Me. That sentence would have made me cringe a year ago, to put myself front and centre was just not natural, but I've realised in 2015 that NOTHING is more important in my life than my own peace of mind/wellness and soul and letting anyone interfere with that or even letting myself put foolish things above that, as I did, caused a real mental breakdown for me in the early part of this year.

For 2016, I want to continue in several new good habits, in faith, in growth and feelings the feels (understanding my feelings, allowing myself to feel them and not being defined by them), recognising triggers and practising gratitude.

I'm lucky to be going again on Camino on January 1st, well, it's not luck, I'm shuffling my life around to put my soul first and start 2016 with a soul-experience and hope to have the best year possible in 2016 with all the new tools I've learnt in promoting my own health and wellness.

What are your resolutions for 2016?

[balletomane]

For 2016 my main aim is to cultivate some qualities  I value: kindheartedness, diligence, willingness to listen, self-confidence, and assertiveness. I have been thinking of different ways to build up these attributes. For example, for self-confidence I'm going to try out more sports. I'm disabled and I've always been shy about participating in activities where I might physically struggle, for fear of other people's pity and what they might think. It's time to change that.

I'm also going to make time for creative stuff (writing, my cello) and I will save money to take myself on a nice break, probably to France or Italy. I haven't been on a trip that wasn't work-related since I was a teenager, with the exception of my best friend's wedding, and as that happened in the shadow of my relationship with my ex it wasn't what it could have been. France is an easy journey for me on the train and I've already found a beautiful place to stay.

[cloudten]

Oh i love these!

man 2015 was rough to me. I want to be physically stronger and healthier again. The last 9 months I have only steadily gained weight through stress and depression. last night my daughter asked if i was pregnant. (? NO!)  So- I really, truly need to get myself back in shape. I am embarrassed I lost control of myself. A year ago I was smokin' hot.

I would also like to take a trip (Maui is the current plan in July).

But in terms of me: I want to finish my current work on attachment styles... .(So insightful and I highly recommend before you go fishing again).  I want to round out my healing and figure out how to love my FOO. I want to really love myself, too. So many of these journeys I have begun but need to complete.  I want to develop my friendships more closely... .especially female friendships.

I want to date again... .i think I am pretty much ready especially when I finish the attachment styles work. I am young. I don't want to be stuck alone forever. I have a lot to offer someone... .and I am healthy again! (I can't believe I can say that!) It was definitely a lot of hurt and heartache, but I am healthy again and want to find someone I can have a healthy attachment with.

2016 is a whole year's worth of my restraining order against my pwBPD... .I want to make the most of it before I worry about him contacting me again (I know it is not over with him)... .so my plan is to make 2016 my best year yet!

[aubin]

Great topic!

2016 will be the year that I start seriously dating again. It's been four years  since my BPDex imploded my life. It's been a slow rebuild since then; I'm not the person I was before my BPD relationship, but in fact I feel like a more reasoned, more mature, and more emotionally attuned person. In many ways, that life-altering event four years ago was a kind of gift that has allowed me to become the person I needed to be. Now, the next step is to crack open my shell a bit and start putting myself out there again.

Aside from dating, 2016 will be a year of continuing the practices that have been central to my healing so far: setting and maintaining boundaries, listening closely to my feelings and physical reactions to things, taking things slowly, trying to act out of compassion rather than suspicion. I also want to be better at initiating and maintaining friendships. And I want to work more on feeling less obligated to my FOO (with most of whom I have limited contact) while also letting go of the grief for the childhood I never had.

[kc sunshine]

Here I am on L6! I think that sweet 16 will be the year of me as well! (hard to type that, but I will!)

[JaneStorm]

A simple copy-and-paste, but worthy of my consideration.

11 Mental Health New Year's Resolutions

By Rheyanne Weaver

Created 12/29/2011 - 07:34

New Year’s resolutions tend to focus on weight, general health and finances, but they can also extend to mental health. Experts give their mental health New Year’s resolutions suggestions for you to try this year and every year after.

Chip Coffey, the director of Outpatient Services at St. Luke’s Behavioral Health Center, sent nine positive mental health resolutions for the new year through email:

1. “I will treat myself with respect and speak nicely about myself. Try taping a list of 10 positive characteristics about yourself in various places throughout the house and workplace to remind you of these things.”

2. “I resolve to be mentally healthy. In the United States, there is still a stigma about seeing a therapist. However, it is truly one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves. A therapist gives us an unbiased ear and can also help us to understand why we do the things we do ... .think of seeing a therapist as a mental health oil change.”

3. “I will be physically active on a daily basis.” Multiple studies show a link between exercise and improved mental health.

4. “I will act and not react. Many times we feel like everyone is pushing our buttons. When this happens, we are caught up in reaction. It is not that people are actually pushing buttons; it is that we became overly sensitive. If you know you’ll be around someone who says negative things, plan for this and have a list in your head of disarming statements.”

5. “I will learn to relax and enjoy. Many times we become so busy we forget how or even when to take care of ourselves. Take a yoga or meditation class. Find some activity like photography or journaling [that] is relaxing and enjoyable to you. Dedicate time to this daily, if possible, or at a minimum, weekly.”

6. “I will not define myself by a label. We often become our labels, e.g., I am depressed, I am fat, I am anxious. Drop your label; when you so it allows you to take control of the messages you have about yourself. For example, you could say, “I have depression, and today I will make sure to exercise to manage it.’”

7. “I will be mindful. Being mindful is about staying in the moment. I cannot change yesterday; I cannot predict tomorrow, however I do have control over the here and now. So, I will be aware in the moment, and enjoy that moment.”

8. “I will work towards being the person I want to be. There is an old quote about life being a journey to be enjoyed not an obstacle to be overcome. When we see our lives as obstacles we do not enjoy life much. When we see life as a journey and a time to continue to be the person we desire to be, life is much more pleasant and enjoyable.”

9. “I will not be hard on myself if I make resolutions and do not keep them. I may want to try them later in the year. I may realize that it will take more time than I thought to work on issues and I will look at this as a good things and not a bad thing. I do not fail by trying.”

Soroya Bacchus, a psychiatrist in Calif., suggests that women look at setting healthy boundaries as a New Year’s resolution.

“This can be something that women struggle with much more than men, whether it be with their sexual partners, officemates, or children,” Bacchus said. “Boundaries are important as they protect us from being manipulated, controlled, or abused. This enables women to make choices about what they think, feel, or how they behave.”

Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist and author of “Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage,” said in an email that resolutions can center around removing toxic personal habits, like feeling lonely.

“Loneliness may not result from actually being alone, but more from feeling misunderstood or not valued,” Tessina said.

“People often isolate themselves because they feel inadequate in social situations. Value the friends you do have, and make new friends by attending classes or other group events where you can focus on a task or assignment. This will take the pressure off your contact with other people, and give you something in common with them.”

She said to also avoid spending too much time on the computer socializing because that doesn’t help loneliness as much.

“Make sure you schedule some time with a friend at least once a week, and if you don't have friends, then use that weekly time to take a class or join a group (for example, a book club or sports group ) which will give you a chance to make new friends,” Tessina said.