I simply can't cope with my BPD sister anymore

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am so sad and guilty and so unsure of what the 'right' actions are but I'm too tired to go on trying to be supportive of my sister.

I've been reading various articles etc online and am totally confused.  On one hand there are the suggestions to go non contact or at the very least medium chill.  On the other there are people who write that to do this is cruel and unsupportive because you wouldn't leave someone with any other illness to cope by themselves.  Which is true.  And I understand this is an illness.

My sister was diagnosed wih BPD 18 years ago.  There have been numerous suicide attempts, self harm episodes, rage directed at me - including physical threats, and threats to kill me and my children.  She's been in and out of mental health units, rehab facilities, DBT and other programs.

She's appearing in court in 2 weeks on several assault charges and theft.  She's expected to receive a home detention sentence.

She was in a new rehab place a couple of hours away from me until the 30th December. She'd been there 6 weeks.   I'd been up to see her on the 27th with my children and husband.  Everything was calm and relaxed.  She appeared settled, her behaviour was kind and funny.  She said she needed to get better because she didnt have another relapse left in her.

Then 3 days later she gapped it from the rehab place, got completely wasted, caught a ride with some guy, then jumped out of his moving vehicle.  Went to hospital, discharged herself, got so drunk she passed out in front of a supermarket in the rain and eventually ended up back in a mental health unit.

I don't even know where this behaviour came from!  

The only family I have besides my 4 children and husband is her and my mother.  My mother has ended up on antidepressants as a direct result of the years of anger and abuse she's been subjected to by my sister.  I want desperately to walk away but I can't because I can't let me mother feel alone.

My sister has completely blocked us.  So 3 days after having a lovely day with her she suddenly hates us (again) and we have no inkling of what's occurred to cause this.

She's refusing to speak to the psychiatrist as well.  So everyone is in the dark.  This is the worst she has ever been.  I can't even imagine her coming out of this.  I don't think I can live with the guilt or the burden if (when) she takes her life. It will kill my mother. 

I feel as though I need to keep her alive just to keep my own life a little bit okay although clearly my life is in chaos and turmoil despite my best efforts to keep things together.

I'm so lost.

[Marvelly]

I am so sad and guilty and so unsure of what the 'right' actions are but I'm too tired to go on trying to be supportive of my sister.

I've been reading various articles etc online and am totally confused.  On one hand there are the suggestions to go non contact or at the very least medium chill.  On the other there are people who write that to do this is cruel and unsupportive because you wouldn't leave someone with any other illness to cope by themselves.  Which is true.  And I understand this is an illness.

My sister was diagnosed wih BPD 18 years ago.  There have been numerous suicide attempts, self harm episodes, rage directed at me - including physical threats, and threats to kill me and my children.  She's been in and out of mental health units, rehab facilities, DBT and other programs.

She's appearing in court in 2 weeks on several assault charges and theft.  She's expected to receive a home detention sentence.

She was in a new rehab place a couple of hours away from me until the 30th December. She'd been there 6 weeks.   I'd been up to see her on the 27th with my children and husband.  Everything was calm and relaxed.  She appeared settled, her behaviour was kind and funny.  She said she needed to get better because she didnt have another relapse left in her.

Then 3 days later she gapped it from the rehab place, got completely wasted, caught a ride with some guy, then jumped out of his moving vehicle.  Went to hospital, discharged herself, got so drunk she passed out in front of a supermarket in the rain and eventually ended up back in a mental health unit.

I don't even know where this behaviour came from!  

The only family I have besides my 4 children and husband is her and my mother.  My mother has ended up on antidepressants as a direct result of the years of anger and abuse she's been subjected to by my sister.  I want desperately to walk away but I can't because I can't let me mother feel alone.

My sister has completely blocked us.  So 3 days after having a lovely day with her she suddenly hates us (again) and we have no inkling of what's occurred to cause this.

She's refusing to speak to the psychiatrist as well.  So everyone is in the dark.  This is the worst she has ever been.  I can't even imagine her coming out of this.  I don't think I can live with the guilt or the burden if (when) she takes her life. It will kill my mother. 

I feel as though I need to keep her alive just to keep my own life a little bit okay although clearly my life is in chaos and turmoil despite my best efforts to keep things together.

I'm so lost.

[Kwamina]

Hi Marvelly

Welcome back here. I still remember your last post in which you talked about your sister's suicidal gestures. It is really tough dealing with a suicidal family-member so I can understand why you're struggling with this.

Your sister has been officially diagnosed with BPD but unfortunately her treatment and therapy have not proven to be successful so far. Her current behavior is quite concerning indeed. It's hard to tell for sure what triggered this, but she is really putting herself in danger by behaving this way. People with BPD often have an unstable sense of self so perhaps that could be a factor here. Another thing that comes to mind is that the thought of being in rehab or the fact that things seemed to be going better, possibly overwhelmed or scared her.

People with BPD are often very sensitive and can perceive what non-disordered people would view as innocuous events, as major slights or distressing events. Her getting triggered seems to be a result of her distorted thinking.

I am very sorry that she is currently in this troubling mental state, the worst you have ever seen her even.  It is very sad that this has happened. We have some resources here that might help you with dealing with her suicidal behavior:

TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

Take care