Why can't my heart see what my head knows?

[Bskid24]

Nearly 5 years of "on again off again" intensity & insanity. When they say it will be a roller coaster tide with a BPD, it is. Sadly, it was not until the end that I was even aware of what BPD was and how it affects people. Clueless. Had I known it would have explained a boatload of behaviors and the toxic brew we often found ourselves in out of the blue.

I broke up with her.  Now she's dating a friend of mine she met through me and admittedly it's eating at me. Can't get her out of my head. I know it's more my ego and a distorted notion that we can pull this together, reconcile and go hand in hand into DB therapy and lick this thing together. Delusional thinking me thinks. I have to remind myself that I left for a reason--my sanity--reclaiming my life and allowing me to be me: a pretty likable guy. A BPD can stunt your sense of self and make you doubt you own good and instinctive judgment.

I'll admit the roller coaster relationship kept it interesting and intense (if not frustrating and unhealthy), but it's simply not sustainable. Why can't my heart see what my head knows?

[samynet]

Hi Bskid24,

Welcome to the family, here everyone understand your doubts and pain and for sure you will find some clearance to your thoughts.´

"I have to remind myself that I left for a reason--my sanity--reclaiming my life and allowing me to be me: a pretty likable guy."

wow! You made my words.

Time will help you to look at this whole situation with your mind more than with your heart. Is not a easy task but it will become easier.

We cannot change them, only them have the power to work on themselves.

Meanwhile look at you, try to find your true self... .the confident man that for sure you used to be.

take care.

Sam

[Fr4nz]

Can't get her out of my head. I know it's more my ego and a distorted notion that we can pull this together, reconcile and go hand in hand into DB therapy and lick this thing together. Delusional thinking me thinks. I have to remind myself that I left for a reason--my sanity--reclaiming my life and allowing me to be me: a pretty likable guy. A BPD can stunt your sense of self and make you doubt you own good and instinctive judgment.

Spot on bskid! Because of the devaluation phase, our self-esteem is basically beaten to death; in my case that was the main problem. And yes, we think that we can fix the situation or, even worse, we expect that they will come back in the future.

In the end, the best thing to do with BPD sufferers is to detach. That is very sad, but it's the only way thorugh which we can maintain our sanity and avoid ruining our lives.

I'll admit the roller coaster relationship kept it interesting and intense (if not frustrating and unhealthy), but it's simply not sustainable. Why can't my heart see what my head knows?

Because it takes time, even many months. Hang in there my friend!