BPD people

[Depression = 72% of members]

I don't claim to know everything on people with BPD. I will say I know they are not sociopaths! They don't set out to do harm or "prey" upon others intentionally. But they do end up using and abusing most people in their personal lives. The disorder of BPD is so woven into the person afflicted by it that it becomes part of their character. I think that is why they lack such a sense of self. Because the disorder affects so much of their core traits and thought process. They truly can't trust what they think bc it constantly changes due to their black and white thinking and wiring on how they perceive things. Many times talking with them. Things can be going fine. Then because of their illness and wiring they may look for the negative in what you are saying to them, even when it's not intended to be negative. They are thinned skinned and take make comments as direct shots against them. When it may not have even been anything you really said or meant to say. They are also very emotionally immature and can not relate to your perception of things but only can see their own pain. I've witnessed all this first hand as I'm sure many of you have. I loved my ex dearly and I don't hate him now or want him dead or jail. But a huge component of this illness is based in the "ID" factor. The child in them that never got their needs met wants to fill those needs at any cost, it's a very selfish, self seeking self gratifying entitled disorder. They don't weigh the consequences . And we just become collateral damage of their disorder . Do they know what they are doing? Absolutely! But are they in fight or flight zone when it's all happening? Probably. It's hard to say exactly what they think at any given time. But it is a fact when they lie, cheat, verbally abuse, or project. They do know what they do. That adds probably to their core inner shame. But these are their survival skills. And I think they feel they have to look out for themselves because they learned early on that they couldn't trust their care givers. It is sad. I do feel for them on some levels. But they also have the ability to not do these things. They can be honest, they can seek help, they have free will! This illness doesn't prevent them from trying other options. They choose to hurt , lie and use deception. We have our part? Sure you can say love is a gamble with anyone. But when you go into a relationship and the person is wanting your time, being kind and loving you think of them as being authentic . When the devalue comes . It doesn't come all at once . And may be followed by the pull back . No one comes from a picture perfect family life. It may bring up FAmily of origins problems that may seem familiar to some of us. But is that our fault to invest and love some one who we thought was true. It sucks! But at the end of the day. We need to accept what happened. And not let it consume us. We can move on and establish a better foundation with someone healthy. They likely will not. And that's sad for them. They'll never know what true mutual life giving love can and will be like. We didn't lose anything and we aren't suckers and fools if we are here! We are free of the burden. It's not our cross to carry. I am trying to come to a place of peace for myself. I am still so mad, hurt, confused, and broken down. But one day at a time. I feel at times I wish I could tell him off to his face. Or make him give me an answer to why. But you know what. It won't matter. It won't change what he did, he would likely lie anyway . And he has to live with it . Not I. He may never face it head on. But one day I believe they will have to look at their lives and see the destruction they caused. Memories of all our trips haunt me. But I'm sure on some level they are haunted by their losses  and memories! They are not robots. They are people that want to be loved. They just don't trust love, they don't know what it feels like. If it's not chaos or pain it's too much for them to process. They can only go as far as the honeymoon phase. They don't even love themselves really. They are angry inside and hurt and lash out at those closest to them. It is sad. And having compassion would be the right thing to do at the end of the day. But anger is healthy too! We were all violated . And feeling those feelings and talking about them here should be respected . We are all at different parts of our own recovery. And I for sure go back and fourth with understanding that they are sick and not capable of more. And these are typical behaviors of a person with BPD and I shouldn't take it personally. But we had a very personal intimate relationship with them. BPD people can make you feel closer to them than you ever have to anyone else but to them it's not real. It can't be because they don't understand what love is. They only know how to take. They are emotionally not equipped for more.

[Itstopsnow]

I don't claim to know everything on people with BPD. I will say I know they are not sociopaths! They don't set out to do harm or "prey" upon others intentionally. But they do end up using and abusing most people in their personal lives. The disorder of BPD is so woven into the person afflicted by it that it becomes part of their character. I think that is why they lack such a sense of self. Because the disorder affects so much of their core traits and thought process. They truly can't trust what they think bc it constantly changes due to their black and white thinking and wiring on how they perceive things. Many times talking with them. Things can be going fine. Then because of their illness and wiring they may look for the negative in what you are saying to them, even when it's not intended to be negative. They are thinned skinned and take make comments as direct shots against them. When it may not have even been anything you really said or meant to say. They are also very emotionally immature and can not relate to your perception of things but only can see their own pain. I've witnessed all this first hand as I'm sure many of you have. I loved my ex dearly and I don't hate him now or want him dead or jail. But a huge component of this illness is based in the "ID" factor. The child in them that never got their needs met wants to fill those needs at any cost, it's a very selfish, self seeking self gratifying entitled disorder. They don't weigh the consequences . And we just become collateral damage of their disorder . Do they know what they are doing? Absolutely! But are they in fight or flight zone when it's all happening? Probably. It's hard to say exactly what they think at any given time. But it is a fact when they lie, cheat, verbally abuse, or project. They do know what they do. That adds probably to their core inner shame. But these are their survival skills. And I think they feel they have to look out for themselves because they learned early on that they couldn't trust their care givers. It is sad. I do feel for them on some levels. But they also have the ability to not do these things. They can be honest, they can seek help, they have free will! This illness doesn't prevent them from trying other options. They choose to hurt , lie and use deception. We have our part? Sure you can say love is a gamble with anyone. But when you go into a relationship and the person is wanting your time, being kind and loving you think of them as being authentic . When the devalue comes . It doesn't come all at once . And may be followed by the pull back . No one comes from a picture perfect family life. It may bring up FAmily of origins problems that may seem familiar to some of us. But is that our fault to invest and love some one who we thought was true. It sucks! But at the end of the day. We need to accept what happened. And not let it consume us. We can move on and establish a better foundation with someone healthy. They likely will not. And that's sad for them. They'll never know what true mutual life giving love can and will be like. We didn't lose anything and we aren't suckers and fools if we are here! We are free of the burden. It's not our cross to carry. I am trying to come to a place of peace for myself. I am still so mad, hurt, confused, and broken down. But one day at a time. I feel at times I wish I could tell him off to his face. Or make him give me an answer to why. But you know what. It won't matter. It won't change what he did, he would likely lie anyway . And he has to live with it . Not I. He may never face it head on. But one day I believe they will have to look at their lives and see the destruction they caused. Memories of all our trips haunt me. But I'm sure on some level they are haunted by their losses  and memories! They are not robots. They are people that want to be loved. They just don't trust love, they don't know what it feels like. If it's not chaos or pain it's too much for them to process. They can only go as far as the honeymoon phase. They don't even love themselves really. They are angry inside and hurt and lash out at those closest to them. It is sad. And having compassion would be the right thing to do at the end of the day. But anger is healthy too! We were all violated . And feeling those feelings and talking about them here should be respected . We are all at different parts of our own recovery. And I for sure go back and fourth with understanding that they are sick and not capable of more. And these are typical behaviors of a person with BPD and I shouldn't take it personally. But we had a very personal intimate relationship with them. BPD people can make you feel closer to them than you ever have to anyone else but to them it's not real. It can't be because they don't understand what love is. They only know how to take. They are emotionally not equipped for more.

[troisette]

Eloquent, authentic and accurate in my experience.

[jujux15]

This just makes me want to reach out and love her more however I'm aware that nothing will help her. It's best for us to just walk away and get the love we deserve too