Really really trying to detach

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ok. I know it sounds otherwise. I do want her to come Back desperately. We went out to dinner last night. Unfortunately I brought r/s stuff up instead of keeping it light. Ugh. Anyhow everytime I do that she says how hurt she was. How she can't see coming back.  How much it pains her. And why didn't I feel that way then. Why didn't I care more then. Etc. i made mistakes but trust me I cared and treated her great etc

That said she agreed to do counseling and I'm going to help out paying for a few sessions. She first agreed a week ago. And I followed up yesterday and she still wants to.  I've got to go to counselor first before she does though. And I don't think the counseling has anything to do with BPD. Just other stuff she's went through. 

On same day she agreed to take me up on counseling I also asked her (why I don't know) to go to concert at end of this month.  A musical on Valentine's weekend I know she will love. And another concert in early March. She agreed to all three. Granted I know if she meets someone or whatever she can back out.

But she's said she wants me as a friend. Etc. if it pains her so much to get Back

Together or if it hurt so much what I "did" to her. Then why even be friends. Or do the dinner last night. Or agree to the counseling.  Or concerts.

Obviously to keep me on a string. Right?  Use me?  Wonder what she really is thinking.

Guess I'll never know.

I'm going to try to not contact her unless I have to. About the counseling. Or a few days before each of these events she agreed to.

She does need space. And I need to get over her.

[Scopikaz]

Ok. I know it sounds otherwise. I do want her to come Back desperately. We went out to dinner last night. Unfortunately I brought r/s stuff up instead of keeping it light. Ugh. Anyhow everytime I do that she says how hurt she was. How she can't see coming back.  How much it pains her. And why didn't I feel that way then. Why didn't I care more then. Etc. i made mistakes but trust me I cared and treated her great etc

That said she agreed to do counseling and I'm going to help out paying for a few sessions. She first agreed a week ago. And I followed up yesterday and she still wants to.  I've got to go to counselor first before she does though. And I don't think the counseling has anything to do with BPD. Just other stuff she's went through. 

On same day she agreed to take me up on counseling I also asked her (why I don't know) to go to concert at end of this month.  A musical on Valentine's weekend I know she will love. And another concert in early March. She agreed to all three. Granted I know if she meets someone or whatever she can back out.

But she's said she wants me as a friend. Etc. if it pains her so much to get Back

Together or if it hurt so much what I "did" to her. Then why even be friends. Or do the dinner last night. Or agree to the counseling.  Or concerts.

Obviously to keep me on a string. Right?  Use me?  Wonder what she really is thinking.

Guess I'll never know.

I'm going to try to not contact her unless I have to. About the counseling. Or a few days before each of these events she agreed to.

She does need space. And I need to get over her.