I'm new here.

[Mei]

Hi all, this is my first post. I am wondering how to start, I guess I'll start by saying I need help.

Our adopted, at 4 months from orphanage, teen daughter was diagnosed at 16 with possible BPD, attachment, anxiety, ADHD, Depressive disorder, and I forget what else. She went to treatment in Utah for over a year, now lives in therapeutic home in Idaho to finish high school. She is now 18.

I had hopes with all this treatment that the BPD possibility would disappear. Now I am realizing that she really has BPD and I'm beside myself with grief, guilt, and fear.

I saw Blaise Aguirre talk on this site about adolescent BPD and that helped some.

I guess I need a community to be able to survive this in one piece.

The grief and loss I feel is hard, and so lonely. No one understands.

How do you get through this?

Could the anxiety, ADHD be really BPD instead?

Thank you! I hope I can provide some support to you all too in the future.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bpdmom1]

Welcome!

Sounds similar.  My daughter, now almost 18 was adopted at 11 months and lived in an orphanage.  She is currently in a therapeutic boarding school.  She has been labeled with bipolar, BPD traits etc. and etc.  It appears BPD fits her more than all the other diagnosis.  She is still struggling with emotional dysregulation and has been enrolled for 5 months.  I sort of thought this would be the magic bullet, but now I see that this is going to be a long road for her.  She is trying and is learning tools to manage.  Some days I have a lot of hope other days I don't.  I understand, as my heart is broken.

I read and studied Dr Aguirre's book and found it very helpful.  "Borderline Personality Disorder in adolescents".  I'm now reading "I don't have to make everything better", which is giving me better ways to communicate with her.

 

[Turkish]

It's hard to say since the traits overlap. An old family friend of mine was diagnosed with both BPD and GAD. My mother with BPD was recently diagnosed with PTSD, she said, though the medical paperwork stated "Anxiety." I don't think they had access to her prior mental health history of 25 years ago. Behaviors can be similar. Looking to the lessons here to help deal with dystegulations can help.

I was adopted out of foster care at 2.4 years of age. Being an adoptive family, we hung around other adoptive families. Families experienced a lot of issues with adopted kids. It's almost like a sad confirmation of how crucial early attachment is to babies. Damage is done and can lurk within adoptive, loving families. My birth mother was also adopted, off an Indian Reservation to what sounded like a very loving family. In the end, whatever went awry in her pre-adoptive life was too strong.

Despite my own mother being BPD (luck of the draw), I have a fondness in my heart for  adoptive parents. It takes a tremendous amount of love to take on a child and raise him or her. As an adoptee, I just wanted to let you know 

Turkish