My last post

[jujux15]

I have not posted here in a while and for good reason. Our ex's treated us badly, we put up with their crap treated them well we thought the world of them and yet nothing changed. However and this is going to get me a lot of heat... .let it go. Are you guys aware that we project what we attract? Meaning if we get people who are emotionally damaged sick need therapy etc etc yet we stay we have far more issues than what we think.

    It is not normal to stay with someone who insults us or puts us down. It's not normal for us to stay with someone who doesn't love us how we want. Someone who is emotionally distant, someone who could find someone tomorrow and leave you in the dust. We as codependents have deep seeded issues, and every break up takes two to tango. Again I'm not saying that they did nothing wrong I'm saying that we need to focus on us, working on our codependency and our confidence. Most codependents have a fear or abandonment hence why we can't let them go. You owe it to yourself to be a stronger you, work on yourself and get healthy friends your ex is no longer your problem so move on . Ps no I haven't gotten over her but these epiphanies made me understand. (read no more Mr nice guy)

[steelwork]

Best of luck! I hope you find peace.

[Learning_curve74]

I agree that it takes two for a dysfunctional relationship to continue. Until people here figure out what their role was, they are always at risk of making the same choices again.

However, I'm not necessarily in agreement that it means "no more mister nice guy". If you value being a nice person, I don't believe you should abandon that value. However, being a nice person is NOT the same as being a doormat. You can be a nice and caring person while standing up for yourself!  

[jujux15]

I agree that it takes two for a dysfunctional relationship to continue. Until people here figure out what their role was, they are always at risk of making the same choices again.

However, I'm not necessarily in agreement that it means "no more mister nice guy". If you value being a nice person, I don't believe you should abandon that value. However, being a nice person is NOT the same as being a doormat. You can be a nice and caring person while standing up for yourself!  

You misunderstand friend Mr nice guy is a book! A wonderful one it talks about how most of us don't know how to put ourselves first don't know how to say "no" it details that it's ok to do these things in a healthy relationship!

[blissful_camper]

It's tough sledding. For me, the only way through it was to lean into all of the emotions that bubbled to the surface (dormant and new) as a result of the experience. The relationship fostered growth in me. I don't regret it. I'm grateful.

[Learning_curve74]

You misunderstand friend Mr nice guy is a book! A wonderful one it talks about how most of us don't know how to put ourselves first don't know how to say "no" it details that it's ok to do these things in a healthy relationship!

I misinterpreted what you wrote, so instead let me say: good for you! Knowledge is power, sounds like you're making yourself stronger. Keep it up! 

I agree that many people who are hurting are spending a lot of their focus on their exes and perhaps not enough focus on making themselves better. This is understandable to an extent, yet while paths to healing are many and different, but they almost always require acceptance of reality and focusing on the self.