Looking for advice and comment on new communication pattern

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Me produce shelves in timely manner

Sometimes there comes a point of diminishing returns.  How much is your time worth?

A lot.  With all the stuff we have going on, cash is tight and my time is "free".  Plus, I enjoy "solving the puzzle".

So, if I had a choice to put several hours in a high paying job or put up shelves, I would choose shelving because of the personal enjoyment.  Especially when there is other crap going on.


FF

[formflier]

Me produce shelves in timely manner

Sometimes there comes a point of diminishing returns.  How much is your time worth?

A lot.  With all the stuff we have going on, cash is tight and my time is "free".  Plus, I enjoy "solving the puzzle".

So, if I had a choice to put several hours in a high paying job or put up shelves, I would choose shelving because of the personal enjoyment.  Especially when there is other crap going on.


FF

[C.Stein]

A lot.  With all the stuff we have going on, cash is tight and my time is "free".  Plus, I enjoy "solving the puzzle".

So, if I had a choice to put several hours in a high paying job or put up shelves, I would choose shelving because of the personal enjoyment.  Especially when there is other crap going on.

I totally get it FF!  The best job of all is the one you get the most enjoyment and personal fulfilment from.  

Thing you need to understand though is your wife doesn't view your time as "free" at this point.  I think she made that abundantly clear in your text exchange.  The whole job thing is an obvious big thorn in her side, so do what you need to in order to remove it or at least pull it out somewhat.

[formflier]

Thing you need to understand though is your wife doesn't view your time as "free" at this point.  I think she made that abundantly clear in your text exchange.  The whole job thing is an obvious big thorn in her side, so do what you need to in order to remove it or at least pull it out somewhat.

Nothing.

She stuck it in, she can pull it out.  

That sounds harsh, but when confronted with the "facts" that I have an interview, she dismissed it, said I wasn't doing enough, blah blah blah.  Not all the time, but most.  So, there was a glimmer when I got the interview (I'm actually several stages through a multi-stage process), she seemed relieved, happy, etc etc.

She wants me to make it go faster or get another job.  

Listen, the "real" issue is I am conducting the job search according to advice of some professional HR types and my schedule and desires.  I can only do so much at one time.  Last job search she did help a lot, there were good qualities there, but I also applied some places I had no interest in "because she said".  I spent the time in an effort to keep the peace, plus it is good practice.

But, at end of last job search she and I both agreed that next one would be different.  At least that is what she said.  She doesn't like this way of doing it.

FF

[adventurer]

I'm much newer to the boards than everyone commenting here, but I really get a sense that you have a lot invested in her understanding your feelings, point of view and logic about the various subjects covered.

What do you think it would be like to just let all of that go?  Focus on logistics, validating her concerns without letting them dictate your life, and accomplishing what needs to get done?

[formflier]

I'm much newer to the boards than everyone commenting here, but I really get a sense that you have a lot invested in her understanding your feelings, point of view and logic about the various subjects covered.

What do you think it would be like to just let all of that go?  Focus on logistics, validating her concerns without letting them dictate your life, and accomplishing what needs to get done?

For the most part, I end up doing what needs to be done.  With lack of a clear answer, I do make up my own mind and go.

We had a long period of improvement in our r/s where communication was more normal.  I'm going to keep putting "normal" out there, if it is not accepted, I'm not triggered or anything.

There have been long periods of our r/s where I did let a lot of that stuff go and lived "that life".  Lots of dynamics were different then.

Anyway, I realize dealing with my feelings and stuff is likely difficult.  I'm not going to persecute her with those feelings, but I won't hide them either.

Am I going to be an immovable rock in counseling, no, not by a long shot, but I've done this rodeo before many times.  The pattern of FF doing the majority of the moving and adjustment and then her "slipping away" is not a pattern I will be involved in for long.

FF

[formflier]

 

It appears that there will be no talking or discussing this evening.  No shock.

She didn't come home at 5 for dinner.  So we ate without her.  She showed up late, said she would eat later, said she "talks all day and is all talked out"

Yet, was talking to kids, playing with them, herded all the kids to the basement to be with her.

I'm off to take a hot relaxing bath.

FF