Trying to Stay Married

[ladylee]

We were married on Valentines Day, but unfortunately had to separate for reasons I won't go into here. I just gave him a birthday present last week. At first he understood the reasons for separation, now things have become worse because of the geographic distance. He needs me there every day so because I cannot be, he wants to end it. He always told me he was capable of discarding people so I shouldn't be surprised. I'm hoping if I give him space, we will work through things and he will go back into treatment. He thanked me for the  birthday gift. I'm not going to contact him, im going to waut for him and see what he does when the holiday comes, if the memories stir up or not. If he does nothing, then I'll have my answer.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[an0ught]

Hi ladylee,

Trying to Stay Married

I'm struggling to square your wait-and-see strategy with the title "Trying to Stay Married".

Considering that Valentine is a difficult day for all pwBPD (and I guess others in relationship trouble) there is a good chance that he is very much aware of you and thinking about you. But he will be also very emotionally excited and not thinking clearly around that time. It is quite likely that exactly at the time when you defer implicitly a life-changing decision to him he is least capable of acting balanced, at all or in anybodies best interest.

Now it is perfectly normal to be conflicted about where you want to go. It is not a comfortable place to be in 

[Wanda]

I was  married also on valentines day 18 years this year and i am still here, and we are still married. i have known about his BPD for about 17 of those years, he is very high functioning, and does not know so i have lived all these years keeping this secret .

we went through a therapeutic separation is what i called it. HE had to decide back then because it takes two wether or not to work on us because i knew i wasnt going to walk on eggshells anymore.

he did go to therapy as a suggested and that is where i learned he had a personality disorder.like anought said it is normal to be conflicted and confused about what he will do, and where you will be but it isn't comfortable place to be in. because all your time is spent worrying .

that isn't good walking on eggshells

have you read those books or codependency no more. with me my husband when i changed he had to follow or we were through this was 17 years ago and we to this day are still together. Happy anniversary    nothing changes without change... .