What do I do?

[ostr38]

Hi all,

I have been married to my husband for 12 years... .We got 3 kids.

I always suspected he had anger/temper issues, as we have had and are having many issues with his anger. But recently I started to really dig deeper and research different psych disorders, and realized he has BPD and possibly NPD... .When I jokingly mentioned it to him, he said he knew he had BPD. I am dumb founded... .I am glad I found this site! Please tell me what do I do now? I can go on for hours about our prior issues, pain his anger and sarcasm cost me and the kids. But I always knew it was something beyond his control, as he always felt guilty afterwards... .I want to help him, but I feel overwhelmed.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

Glad you found us ostr38

I am sure you have felt alone in this for a long while. You will find here a lot of folks who know exactly what you mean without having to go to great pains to explain.

The first thing you will learn is to take a step back from trying to "fix' your BPDh. You will have to start be looking at yourself and how you interact with him. For many years it probably felt like you were trying to hammer a square peg in a round hole and only making things worse. Working out why this was so and developing more appropriate interaction tools is the first step.

There is a wealth of information here developed by members over the years, some will be more applicable than others to your case, but there is lots to try.

There is no quick fix only a slow evolution.

How did your H become aware of BPD?

waverider

[united for now]

It's natural to feel overwhelmed. You've done a lot trying to keep things peaceful 

There is a ton of info to absorb here, so pace yourself. It's easy to go into overload, trust me, I know 

For now, I'd just like to offer a warm welcome and a hope that you keep coming back as you journey towards peace and happiness.

[ostr38]

 The last incident he had with his "nerves" was when I had to go the the dentist and left him with the kids. I was gone an hour and didn't have access to my phone while in Dentist's chair... .Well, my youngest is only 3 months old. And my H had to go to work shortly after I'd be back.  When I got to my phone there were 15 missed calls and 3 nasty voicemails. I knew he was mad! So I rushed home to find the baby screaming beyond usual, my older kids hiding in the room, the kitchen fan busted and thrown outside and all the bills thrown around... .He was looking for the Dentist's phone number. So I grabbed the baby gringos trembling hands and after he left for work the baby cried for another 1.5hr.

He called later feeling all guilty etc. that's when I realized this us something beyond his control... .He loves our kids esp. The newborn. So I started reasearching different disorders. And when I saw borderline personality one I saw 'anger outbursts" as a symptom, so I jokingly mentioned it to him. Without flinching he said he knew he had it. That stopped me on my tracks... .He said all it meant is that he was who he was. Everyone is different. I took a day to process it... .Now he is not into psychology. He doesn't believe in therapy! How did he know he had it? So I put all I knew about him prior to marriage together... .He had so issues with the law in the past... .So I suspected that his psychiatric eval was court ordered at some point... .So I confronted him a few days later... .He said I was right. It was court ordered. And when I asked what they found. He said - nothing. He was just joking about BPD. He wasn't... .I know it. He saw my reaction and backed out... .He is a classical case from what I have been reading... .I have been crying on and off these last few days... .As I thought maybe it was just bad temper or something... .Now I worry about the kids getting it. His father was very physically abusive with my H growing up... .It's a mess... .But I live him and I am willing to change what needs to be changed to create a healthier atmosphere at home. So I am glad I found your site!