Help my boyfriend broke up with me again, I want to reach out but not sure

[Depression = 72% of members]

My ex boyfriend is a loving man, very attentive and loyal.  We talk everyday and see each other a lot I don't feel neglected by him at all.  That is until I do something wrong.  One of our first major fights were because I knocked on his door really loud and because I parked behind his house.  He kicked me out of his home and broke up with me. Next day he apologized and everything was fine.  He breaks up with me at least once a month. The last incident was a couple of days ago on my birthday.  Everything was fine and perfect. Before we got to where he was taking me he bought wine for himself and asked if o could be the designated driver.  He then asked if I could pay for the tickets to the aquarium where he wanted to leave quickly to go eat and drink.  He did buy me a stuff animal which was cute. But he then asked me to buy first round of drinks.  He did pay for dinner but immediately wanted to go bar hopping. No did not.  I hate when he drinks because I think it makes his body worse and that's when he usually breaks up for me.  He ended up getting a hotel and me feeling guilty bought him more drinks because he kept saying he spent so much money on the hotel.  I said a movie would be better and much cheaper but he refused.  We ended up at three bars and when I finally out my foot down and said no he started drinking my bottle of wine I had in the car.  I was so upset that he got wasted on my birthday and wouldn't stop so I said he was making my birthday about him.  I took a walk because I know how he gets when he drinks.  He then called me a spoiled b___ and a ___ broke up with me and left my stranded at the hotel an hour away from home.   I'm so confused he keeps blaming me for this.  I feel bad for saying those things but it's how I felt.  Everything was perfect til he started drinking.  He wasn't attacking me until I said what I said but he wouldn't stop drinking which got me aggravated.  What should I do?  Other than that he is a real sweetheart. It's just those moments... .Help

[Yaryar87]

My ex boyfriend is a loving man, very attentive and loyal.  We talk everyday and see each other a lot I don't feel neglected by him at all.  That is until I do something wrong.  One of our first major fights were because I knocked on his door really loud and because I parked behind his house.  He kicked me out of his home and broke up with me. Next day he apologized and everything was fine.  He breaks up with me at least once a month. The last incident was a couple of days ago on my birthday.  Everything was fine and perfect. Before we got to where he was taking me he bought wine for himself and asked if o could be the designated driver.  He then asked if I could pay for the tickets to the aquarium where he wanted to leave quickly to go eat and drink.  He did buy me a stuff animal which was cute. But he then asked me to buy first round of drinks.  He did pay for dinner but immediately wanted to go bar hopping. No did not.  I hate when he drinks because I think it makes his body worse and that's when he usually breaks up for me.  He ended up getting a hotel and me feeling guilty bought him more drinks because he kept saying he spent so much money on the hotel.  I said a movie would be better and much cheaper but he refused.  We ended up at three bars and when I finally out my foot down and said no he started drinking my bottle of wine I had in the car.  I was so upset that he got wasted on my birthday and wouldn't stop so I said he was making my birthday about him.  I took a walk because I know how he gets when he drinks.  He then called me a spoiled b___ and a ___ broke up with me and left my stranded at the hotel an hour away from home.   I'm so confused he keeps blaming me for this.  I feel bad for saying those things but it's how I felt.  Everything was perfect til he started drinking.  He wasn't attacking me until I said what I said but he wouldn't stop drinking which got me aggravated.  What should I do?  Other than that he is a real sweetheart. It's just those moments... .Help

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[Skip]

He breaks up with me at least once a month. The last incident was a couple of days ago on my birthday. 

Who brings you together after each breakup?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Yaryar, What is it about your background that makes this drama so familiar?  That might give you a clue where to go from here.

LuckyJim

[livednlearned]

Hi Yaryar87,

I'm sorry your birthday was a bust  :'(

Holidays, birthdays, and kind of special day seems to be stressful for people with BPD, who don't handle stress well. Meanwhile, we have our own expectations, especially on our birthdays.

I had the same question as Skip. Do you usually reach out to him first after a break up?

[Yaryar87]

Yes I usually reach to him after a breakup, once I tell him how I can understand how he feels and that I was wrong he comes right back to loving me again.  Lately I having been doing so because I'm tired of always having to say I'm wrong.   

[Yaryar87]

Hey Yaryar, What is it about your background that makes this drama so familiar?  That might give you a clue where to go from here.

LuckyJim

Hmm good question I guess it stems from my childhood where I learned in order to survive I had to make people happy and never get them mad and if I did it was my fault.