She always said her mother made her feel like sh*t and worthless. Her first husband too. But they were together ten years total. Her second husband married four together five plus years also didn't love her like she needed. Judged her etc
So I come along. We were together almost two years total. I made mistakes I know that. Mistakes I shouldn't have made. Ones that triggered her.
But yes. I don't see how anyone else could love or accept her more given all I know about her past. Her present. Her emotional issues and probable BPD.
First, there's nothing you could've done to have prevented the discard. Nothing. Stop beating yourself up. You say you made mistakes during your r/s and I'm sure you did. We all made mistakes somewhere down the line in a r/s, we're all human after all. The problem with that is you were in a r/s with someone who was unhealthy. You say you triggered her. Did she not ever trigger you in some way? A healthy adult will talk about why they felt a certain way, not push the blame off to someone else.
It's ok to love her, Scopi. It is. But you have got to move past her. Not for her, but for you. It's tough, I know, do I ever know how tough it is. But you have to, at some point or you're going to find yourself in a whole lot more hurt. I had to let go of the fantasy that is/was J. I wondered the same thing you are struggling with. You know what? She replaced me before she left me and I never knew it. It hurt beyond words. Get away while you can. Don't stay in the FOG! It's not your responsibility for her to be happy or loved. It's just not. You've put up a great fight and any normal person would see that you do love her. But she doesn't and she won't ever see that. She can't.
What I'm saying is you can love her and you'll know she's being loved. You'll know that she is 100%, because the one loving her is you. But you aren't responsible for her life or how she perceives your love. Trust me, she knows you love her. She knows that but she can't show you that love back because she doesn't love herself, not deep down inside. That's not your fault. She was like that long before you and will be long after you. That doesn't diminish what you had over the past couple of years. But think about it, can you keep up the lifestyle she requires? How do you see yourself if you had in 3,5, or 10 years from now with her?
Life's to short. Go out there and find a girl who will show you all the love you have to give back. Go find a healthy person and leave her to find her way. She'll survive. She did before you, she'll certainly do so afterward.
I say all this from a place of acceptance and understanding. I'm not judging you. You know my story, what I've struggled with. I woke up the other day and realized that it's not me missing out on J's love, it's her missing out on mine. That's a choice she made. I offered it as much as I could, she just couldn't/wouldn't accept it. That's on her plate, not mine.
Stay strong and keep moving forward. You'll thank us later.
