My perception of her can be summed up in one word: Overreaction

[Depression = 72% of members]

I want to start by saying I don't know what I have, it's something, maybe co-dependency (most likely). No normal human being would accept being whipped like I was and still hang on to her. Actually, I broke up with her for a month or two, and here we are again.

On our first tryout living together she made my life a living hell, like over-jealous of me going to the bathroom with my phone, playing games, talking to my friends and so on and so forth. It was not until I yelled at her vehemently that I realized the only option left was to break up. We broke up and she kept on calling me everyday. However, I found out she had been talking to an ex-fling and trading face pics with him. That really hurt my feelings, because here she was calling me proclaiming her eternal feelings for me while flirting with this dude (even though nothing happened).

We got back together and I got caught up in the moment and I made her my fiance and we're living together again. It's been over a year since I met her.

Before I found you guys this is what I did when she had an illogical reaction (while raging, crying, etc):

- Try to reason with her (Never worked, she's harder to reach than a steel wall when she's illogically raging)

- Be scared of her (":)o we have a future like this?" was a common thought)

- Feel an escalation of anger (Because of her 'not listening to anything I'm saying' at all)

- Have the circle argument for hours (it was always emotionally and mentally exhausting)

- Feel awfully desperate like I did something wrong

She goes to therapy (she took a month break though), she has been diagnosed with DPD, yet to be diagnosed with the most obvious co-morbidity, BPD (or she has and I'm unaware of). I thought about showing a video explanation to her yesterday but I decided not to, didn't want to start an argument.

I go to therapy myself (mainly due to my panic disorder, I'm broken as well).

Her latest crisis happened like this:

There we were watching TV, about to sleep since we had to wake up early the next morning when she decided to question me. "So, when you went to therapy and greet your therapist, did you kiss her cheek?" (Cheek kissing is a common greeting around here). I mindlessly replied, "Yeah" - thinking nothing of it. She became a tornado, her facial expression changed to anger and she turned around and curled into a ball saying she didn't want to watch TV anymore. I turned it off. "I didn't like that", she repeated a couple of times.

Then it escalated, and all of the sudden there I am defending myself, handing out excuses, saying that it means nothing, feeling the desperation. While she was in that state she even insulted my therapist's kid that had nothing to do with it (by saying she was ugly and stupid). She becomes worse than a child when she rages. She often mentions different yet slightly similar scenarios that happened to her friends or people she knows in order to 'win' the argument. But I never let her, no matter how many hours it take.

Hours go by and I find myself on the circle argument, and I don't even know what I'm arguing about, she says something, and I defend the opposite idea, nothing to do with the original argument itself.

"Why didn't you lie to her and say you had a hand shake with the therapist" - asked my mom stupefied.

I feel bad lying, that's why.

Sometimes I think it's hopeless, that it's a downward spiral and there's nothing I can do. Sometimes I'm scared to have a child with her (she argued over it a lot, I told her next year).

When she's not behaving like a raging 6 year old, she's an awesome person to hang out with.

For the record, she never threatened to kill herself yet. Nor has she mutilated herself. Other than that, I'm 100% sure that all of the signs for BPD are there.

[maddlove]

I want to start by saying I don't know what I have, it's something, maybe co-dependency (most likely). No normal human being would accept being whipped like I was and still hang on to her. Actually, I broke up with her for a month or two, and here we are again.

On our first tryout living together she made my life a living hell, like over-jealous of me going to the bathroom with my phone, playing games, talking to my friends and so on and so forth. It was not until I yelled at her vehemently that I realized the only option left was to break up. We broke up and she kept on calling me everyday. However, I found out she had been talking to an ex-fling and trading face pics with him. That really hurt my feelings, because here she was calling me proclaiming her eternal feelings for me while flirting with this dude (even though nothing happened).

We got back together and I got caught up in the moment and I made her my fiance and we're living together again. It's been over a year since I met her.

Before I found you guys this is what I did when she had an illogical reaction (while raging, crying, etc):

- Try to reason with her (Never worked, she's harder to reach than a steel wall when she's illogically raging)

- Be scared of her (":)o we have a future like this?" was a common thought)

- Feel an escalation of anger (Because of her 'not listening to anything I'm saying' at all)

- Have the circle argument for hours (it was always emotionally and mentally exhausting)

- Feel awfully desperate like I did something wrong

She goes to therapy (she took a month break though), she has been diagnosed with DPD, yet to be diagnosed with the most obvious co-morbidity, BPD (or she has and I'm unaware of). I thought about showing a video explanation to her yesterday but I decided not to, didn't want to start an argument.

I go to therapy myself (mainly due to my panic disorder, I'm broken as well).

Her latest crisis happened like this:

There we were watching TV, about to sleep since we had to wake up early the next morning when she decided to question me. "So, when you went to therapy and greet your therapist, did you kiss her cheek?" (Cheek kissing is a common greeting around here). I mindlessly replied, "Yeah" - thinking nothing of it. She became a tornado, her facial expression changed to anger and she turned around and curled into a ball saying she didn't want to watch TV anymore. I turned it off. "I didn't like that", she repeated a couple of times.

Then it escalated, and all of the sudden there I am defending myself, handing out excuses, saying that it means nothing, feeling the desperation. While she was in that state she even insulted my therapist's kid that had nothing to do with it (by saying she was ugly and stupid). She becomes worse than a child when she rages. She often mentions different yet slightly similar scenarios that happened to her friends or people she knows in order to 'win' the argument. But I never let her, no matter how many hours it take.

Hours go by and I find myself on the circle argument, and I don't even know what I'm arguing about, she says something, and I defend the opposite idea, nothing to do with the original argument itself.

"Why didn't you lie to her and say you had a hand shake with the therapist" - asked my mom stupefied.

I feel bad lying, that's why.

Sometimes I think it's hopeless, that it's a downward spiral and there's nothing I can do. Sometimes I'm scared to have a child with her (she argued over it a lot, I told her next year).

When she's not behaving like a raging 6 year old, she's an awesome person to hang out with.

For the record, she never threatened to kill herself yet. Nor has she mutilated herself. Other than that, I'm 100% sure that all of the signs for BPD are there.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

Welcome maddlove,

As you have probably guessed by now what you are experiencing is typical of BPD relationships, and you, like many others, are feeling completely hopeless and no matter what you try it all cycles back to nothing.

It must be all that much harder if you suffer from panic issues.

Luckily there is a lot you can do, if not to fix the relationship, then to get yourself back on your own feet so that you are not constantly being railroaded. It is however a slow and evolving process with much drama along the way. Any attempt to change the staus quo will be met with resistance.

As far as "overreaction" is concerned this is a two way street

Keep reading and posting there is a lot to learn

Waverider