Finally Free ... I hope.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So, I have decided after 8 months of our breakup I am ready to go NC. I wasn't ready in the past but right now... I just can't take her using me anymore for emotional support and my emotional protection.

Truthfully? I need to move on, I have been actively dating and meeting women that are actually telling me how attractive I am and how wonderful I am. It's quite the change considering the emotional abuse I took from my ex. Finally, I am starting to see just how worth it I am, and just how not worth it my ex is.

I also went back and re-read our texts over the past three months. Never once did I text my ex first, she always makes first contact with me.

Two weeks ago, after she canceled plans with me I realized that everything I was doing was for her selfish benefit. I told her that we couldn't be friends anymore, that I was done. Her response "Yup, ok... talk to you in a few days!" She wasn't even hearing me, she wasn't even listening. I vowed right then and there I was done.

She continued to text me... Asking if we were still best friends, asking if we could meet up and talk. I ignored them... I actually went away for a weekend with a woman I've been seeing and I could tell she was getting annoyed a little bit so I blocked the texts. Besides, no reason to have her texting me right? I was fine with blocking, it felt pretty damn good.

I got an email from her begging to meet up with me so we can talk about things and we can fix things. I then sent her an email back telling her how I felt and how we couldn't have a friendship. I explained to her that cutting it off completely would be less painful being friends.  She was sleeping here 3x's a week in my bed, demanding I hold her to sleep while she curls into me practically naked. (Oh and I know she's seeing someone else) She also wears my clothes, and keeps "forgetting" to give me back some of my things.

She continued to email me and send me sad songs and eventually sent me a sad face.

One of two things are going to happen:

1) She will get the hint, realize I'm onto her BS and this time isn't like the other times I have caved. (Before I would NEVER deny her seeing me) and she will go put on her production of lies for the new sorry SOB.

2) She'll come in like a wrecking ball and completely pull out all stops because the one person she thought was always a constant is finally telling her to Eff off in a big way.

Whatever the case, I know my self worth and I know that she needs me, I do not need her. She's the one that always reaches out, not me.

I just need to stand my ground. It was a long time coming to get to this point and I'm ready to break free.

[OopsIDidItAgain]

So, I have decided after 8 months of our breakup I am ready to go NC. I wasn't ready in the past but right now... I just can't take her using me anymore for emotional support and my emotional protection.

Truthfully? I need to move on, I have been actively dating and meeting women that are actually telling me how attractive I am and how wonderful I am. It's quite the change considering the emotional abuse I took from my ex. Finally, I am starting to see just how worth it I am, and just how not worth it my ex is.

I also went back and re-read our texts over the past three months. Never once did I text my ex first, she always makes first contact with me.

Two weeks ago, after she canceled plans with me I realized that everything I was doing was for her selfish benefit. I told her that we couldn't be friends anymore, that I was done. Her response "Yup, ok... talk to you in a few days!" She wasn't even hearing me, she wasn't even listening. I vowed right then and there I was done.

She continued to text me... Asking if we were still best friends, asking if we could meet up and talk. I ignored them... I actually went away for a weekend with a woman I've been seeing and I could tell she was getting annoyed a little bit so I blocked the texts. Besides, no reason to have her texting me right? I was fine with blocking, it felt pretty damn good.

I got an email from her begging to meet up with me so we can talk about things and we can fix things. I then sent her an email back telling her how I felt and how we couldn't have a friendship. I explained to her that cutting it off completely would be less painful being friends.  She was sleeping here 3x's a week in my bed, demanding I hold her to sleep while she curls into me practically naked. (Oh and I know she's seeing someone else) She also wears my clothes, and keeps "forgetting" to give me back some of my things.

She continued to email me and send me sad songs and eventually sent me a sad face.

One of two things are going to happen:

1) She will get the hint, realize I'm onto her BS and this time isn't like the other times I have caved. (Before I would NEVER deny her seeing me) and she will go put on her production of lies for the new sorry SOB.

2) She'll come in like a wrecking ball and completely pull out all stops because the one person she thought was always a constant is finally telling her to Eff off in a big way.

Whatever the case, I know my self worth and I know that she needs me, I do not need her. She's the one that always reaches out, not me.

I just need to stand my ground. It was a long time coming to get to this point and I'm ready to break free.

[hopealways]

Sounds like you are really making amazing progress.  NC is a real commitment because as they say with BPDs: it ain't over til the fat lady sings.

[OopsIDidItAgain]

It was a hard conclusion to come to but for my own sanity it's time to just let it be over.

I needed to take accountability and understand what it is she does to me that keeps me coming back for me for more abuse. It was no longer about what she was doing and her mental issues... .It was all about me needing to admit what I was doing was wrong, and only hurting myself and giving her what she wants.

It's not hard to see in instances of BPD the nonBPD partner of the relationship is the one that ultimately is in control and need to be the one that walks away. I just refuse to play games any longer because no matter what happens we are both going to lose.