I'm discovering that my father had severe BPD

[Noteliz]

Now that I'm going through hell with an adult daughter with severe BPD, and reading up and looking into the disorder, I can see how my father was the first BPD I ever dealt with. A lot of his behaviours to me now make sense (in a BPD type sense):

I'm upset because I now also see some of the behaviors in myself, though not close to the extreme of my father of my daughter. I go to a therapist who has absolutely no clue about BPD (I live in Italy--medicine is about 30 years behind the rest of the world here). I can't ask him anything about it because he's clueless.

I'm wondering how much of the negative behavior I could have learned from him. I also wonder if, since I had to live with my parents when my daughter was aged 2-5, could his behavior have influenced her, then she lived with me and though my behavior wasn't extreme, I can see how it wasn't the best.

[HappyChappy]

So sorry you had to experience double trouble on the BPD front. You worry over picking up traits from your father is often termed “fleas”.  We all pick up traits from our parents, but the good news is we can change. A BPD maybe not so, but we can.

I used Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, which is common amount Therapist, regardless of the root cause. So you may find your Therapist helps you without a knowledge of BPD. If not many offer telephone support or skype. I had the same issue finding someone , but this website more than makes up for that. You can get validation here, and CBT with your Therapist – it worked for me. In the UK BPD was only introduced recently as a topic for Therapists, we tend to be 10 yeas behind America, mainly because we don't have a big private health system, so a more recently qualified Therapist may know. I had to shop about until I found someone.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about your daughters BPD as around 25% will get BPD regardless of the environmental setting (an empirical test measured this). Not so with other PB. Feel free to post on here as often as you want. It won't sound odd to us (sadly). 

[Turkish]

Hi Noteliz,

I'd like to join HappyChappy in welcoming you to the board 

I've read some of your posts on the Parenting Board, and I'm sorry that you are strugglng so with your daughter, with little help from services there.

A lot of us can pick up   from borderline parents, so I'm glad you're here to explore them and heal. Myself? I tend to be Hermitty and Waifish, thought I've gotten a lot better as I got older. What HC said is right, in that there is a genetic component.

The good news is that you are reaching out to others, so there is hope, and it comes from you...

Regarding your question, this may help to start: Have Your Parents Put You at Risk for Psychopathology?

Turkish

[Noteliz]

In the short time I've been a member and used this forum I've found a lot more resources and help than I have in therapy!

So, I have fleas LOL   Too funny, in a sense.

Thanks for your welcoming responses. I hope to be able to help others eventually.