Change of feelings

[Rob87]

when they do hit a dark place and they are not sure of their feelings. what do you do? today was the first time that I have seen this. before this everything was fine. we are in love and planning a future together, but today she did say that she loves me but because of these dark thoughts/feelings she just cant see a future with me. its hard to go from a place where we are looking at our future looking at getting a house together, marriage the lot. to a place where she cant even see us being together, how do you cope and how do you reassure them and make them see what they had already seen before this?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[sweetheart]

Hi Rob87,

It's scary when someone you love just suddenly pulls away. Harder still when the change can be overnight and feel like it trashes all your plans for a future.

What you describe happens for many members of this forum, that push/pull associated with BPD.

What's important for you to do is remain, steady and calm and grounded in your love and focus for this woman. She will need to see you being balanced and measured even though you probably feel confused and hurt.

It's about finding a way of understanding and accepting that this behaviour is symptomatic of this illness. Sometimes it's just about waiting, letting the person know you are there, and carrying on with your day to day life.

I understand how hard that can be, because I imagine your worried she might go for good and change her mind forever. And that's hard.

So support for you and increasing your understanding will help you navigate these behaviour patterns better. It will be important as you move forward here.

Can you tell us a bit more about you and your relationship, what brought you here, what makes you think your gf has BPD?