Today I screwed up

[adaw]

I have read a lot about the condition and i have always tried to be accommodating when an episode occurs but i have lost it today. i was in the shower and she was fixing a lock (because i am too much of an idiot to do it, not because she gave all my tools to her son-in-law). i didnt hear her calling for help and she got a panic attack and started with usual swearing and insults. i didnt keep quiet and told her to get away from me and walked away. she went gung ho, almost physical but she knew even though she is a trained combatant that I will not pause to lay a charge of assault against her. i got very personal and told her it is time she gets the professional help she deserves and that even if it annoys her i will never be abused and bullied by her again. a shouting match insued and she said i know you want hit me i know you are gay i know you are a sociopath. i am qualified counselor but this time i told her to shut the f up and get help. then she told me she met someone new that likes just as she is. i told her she should not be dating mental inmates. afterwards when i calmed down i apologized she told me she is tired of my crazy rants and that i should go f... my mother ( i was sexually abused by my mother as a child and consequently i avoid all contact with my family). She told me she contacted my siblings and my ex wife and have the truth. i know it is lie but she kept spewing her "facts" at me. i just kept quiet. then she got personal again and i told her that she should rethink her life. about the trauma she caused by raising her kids in a war zone. i know i should not have retaliated but i had enough.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[thisagain]

Welcome to bpdfamily 

We've all screwed up like that at times, even after lots of learning and improving our side of the relationship. What happened after the second argument?

There are ways to control our emotional reactions, and ways to communicate any kind of message while minimizing the chance of setting off an explosion. I highly recommend going through the Lessons that are linked on the right side of the page. They will help you reduce the conflict in your relationship and also set boundaries to protect yourself (it's not all about being "accommodating". By the time you get to the shouting match, the best thing to do is just walk away and take a time-out - How to take a time out.

I hope you get a chance to start looking over those resources, and feel free to tell us more about your relationship! How long have you been together? It seems like you're living together now?

[adaw]

i usually walk away but because of a serious back injury (which she totally ignores) i spend a lot of time laying down and she stood in the door. she is addicted to gambling and know i have withdrew all the cash and has it hidden somewhere after her last big loss. i moved into a spare bedroom but still make sure she has everything she physically might need food, drinks and a glass of water for taking her meds

[livednlearned]

Hi adamw,

Sounds like a pretty bad argument, and what she said must have hurt. How are you doing after a fight like that? It often took me weeks to recover from some of the fights in my relationship.

Can you think of anything in particular that may have been different to make you feel more triggered this time around? I read in some of your earlier posts that you have moved out three times. What usually happens that causes you to leave?

I'm glad you found the site and have a place to talk about what you're going through. Like thisagain mentioned, there are ways to communicate that can really help, especially during the build -up phase before there is a full-blown outburst.

LnL

[adaw]

here is what started the fight i refuse to responsibility for her actions and cover her mistakes. and a lady told her i have pretty eyes. wow i must be satan haha

[livednlearned]

here is what started the fight i refuse to responsibility for her actions and cover her mistakes. and a lady told her i have pretty eyes. wow i must be satan haha

That's hard. 

By taking responsibility for her actions or covering her mistakes, do you mean that she asks you to do this and you don't? Or, you used to do this and are no longer doing it?

Are there specific goals you have for the relationship, or problem spots that you want to work on?