Day ten sort of and question about fb posts

[Scopikaz]

Well. Today is day ten of not texting her.  I can't say total no contact. Because on Monday I broke down and emailed her.  It was a light exchange.  Confirmed stuff I knew about her pulling back even further.  Then she emailed me the next day about the concert we are going to next week. 

The guy I think she's fixated on last night at 1:00 am was at a cheap karaoke bar at one am.  She didn't like that post needless to say.  Also last night she posted a meme about being tired doesn't just mean lack of sleep. It also means lack of peace. 

Makes me wonder just how happy she is. Last week she posted a meme with robin williams about how the funniest people also are the ones hurting the most inside. 

Are these memes just for attention.  To pull someone In. Or are they really how she feels about herself?   

[steelwork]

I don't know what those things mean, but I do know this: while I was still in low contact with my ex, I spent way too much time taking apart every little thing and trying to figure out what it meant. In the end, it did not matter.

So I ask you: why do you want answers to these questions, and what would you do differently if you had them?

[tryingsome]

Hello Scopikaz, congrats on sort of making it ten days.

I am a little concerned and from your previous posts, that you are truly not disconnecting.

To me the biggest harm to your psyche is the information gathering.

Going no contact is supposed to help you pull away, to let you detach.

Having hooks into FB and meme's and the 'fixated' guy is not in your best interest.

See, it is actually okay to contact someone. But the issue is we tend to prod/delve into what they are doing/who they are seeing, etc.

This is not healthy. So even though you are NC, you are still engaging in a way to know what they are doing/who they are seeing.

Take more time for yourself.

As for the meme question, they are all about her.

To both pull someone in and to reiterate how she feels.

The memes are not there for you.

[Learning Fast]

Hi S,

I'd have to agree with the previous posts.  I'm just over 2 mos NC at this point and know how raw and emotional the first couple of weeks can be.  However, there is no benefit in perusing social media---it will only generate more unanswerable questions while causing further ruminations. 

Additionally, you need to really look inside yourself and ask why you want to go to the concert next week.  Sadly, I can visualize a lot of downside (a brief recycle, pining away for someone who may not be available, etc---hey, we've all been there) and not much, if any, upside.  I realized this sounds harsh but please don't take it that way as we're all looking out for your best interests.

Congrats on ten days!  I have a desk calendar at work where each day I cross off the previous day as one more day behind me.  Stay strong, visit this site when you weaken and post often.

LF

[Scopikaz]

No. There won't be a recycle. She's made that clear In

The recent past. It pains her so much to think about us. Etc.

The therapist I saw this week who knows her too thinks when she's down or when the relationship she's in goes bad she will reach out.  I don't believe it.

She's moved on clearly. And so I don't expect to ever hear from her again.

[Penelope35]

Hey Scopikaz. Congratulations for the 10 days of no contact!

You said you don't expect to hear from her again... .but yet you have the concert planned for next week, so I don't really understand how you mean that... .

Another thing that got me thinking is what you said about your therapist. You said he/she also knows your ex? My understanding is that mental health professionals usually don't agree to work with people who are related except if it is  to work on their relationship between them. In any other case they usually refuse to work with someone when they know he is related to another client of theirs. I am not sure if this is allowing you to focus on your self... .even if your ex has quit... .How did you end up with the same therapist she has/had?

[Lonely_Astro]

No. There won't be a recycle. She's made that clear In

The recent past. It pains her so much to think about us. Etc.

The therapist I saw this week who knows her too thinks when she's down or when the relationship she's in goes bad she will reach out.  I don't believe it.

She's moved on clearly. And so I don't expect to ever hear from her again.

You're on that ledge where I've been before.  It's time for an intervention, my friend. 

The question really is: do YOU want there to be a recycle?  If so, stop reading now.  If not... .

You know I've followed your story since its beginning.  You know my stance on all of this when it comes to her.  This chick is trouble on a stick, so why do you keep seeing her?  She keeps making it clear that you two aren't a "you two", but she keeps accepting your gifts (concerts, trips, etc.).  You guys go out, have a nice time, end up being intimate, then the next day it's over again.  That isn't helping you and frankly there's a name for a gal (and guy, not being sexist) that takes 'gifts' in exchange for 'gf experiences' if you catch my drift.  I don't mean this to be crass, I mean it simply to point out that she's using you man... .and you keep letting her do it.  It seems, more importantly, that you want her to keep being around you.

Going around and around with her is yielding the same results.  "We can't be together because it pains me to much from our past."  What the heck does that even mean?  She doesnt want a r/s with you, but she'll let you wine and dine her... .right?  It's time to detach.  No social media.  No emails.  No text.  No anything.  I work with my ex and my replacement.  I have been NC for close to a month now.  If I can avoid the $hit show J keeps displaying between her and L at my place of employment, I know you can be truly NC with your ex! 

Now, if you want to keep working on it with her and hoping she'll "come around", then disregard everything I've said.  It's your life, S.  You can keep chasing her all you want and maybe, just maybe, she'll keep throwing you scraps to keep you around.  If that's the sort of r/s you want, by all means go for it.  I know you're better than that.  I know you want more.  She doesnt.  It's just that simple. 

I'm sorry, S, if this all seems a bit to blunt.  Sometimes I am not delicate and this is one of those moments.  I know you're in pain... .she is causing that pain.  You are here for guidance and help to sort it out.  It's time to leave her be.  Cancel the concert and tell her that you're moving on.  If she wants Mr. Karaoke, let her have him.  She's not your concern or responsibility.  And when she comes back around (and she will, at some point), you can laugh at her as you walk past.

Congrats on 10 days of no text.  Now lets make it Day 1 of real, true NC!