Staying at home

[joeramabeme]

I have been staying at home a lot lately and I have been enjoying it. 

Is this an issue?

For real. 

I feel a little weird that I am liking this so much and wondering if I am in a self-consumed emotional state.  I do get out every weekend and do something fun - but also really enjoying reading and computing and playing guitar which are pretty much all me-time things, alone!  And I even find that my day is full or lacking all the time I would like to have to do all this.

Before I was married, I never knew the enjoyment of being home.  I was always running and escaping situations or feelings.  One of the things I loved about being married was not having all the pressure of making plans to have something/anything to do to feel good about my weekends and free time.  I have decided that I like being home without all the "I should find something to do" pressure and why should I change now that I am single? 

I have this weird gnawing voice hanging over me, saying something like; you must be doing something that is not emotionally healthy for you if you are staying home this much.  Yet still, I am kind of smiling feeling good about it all.  I am also casually dating someone so don't feel a deep yearning to run out and meet someone.

Is it possible to feel guilty because I am enjoying myself?

Has anyone else felt a guilty pleasure about staying home. 

All of this is a "first" for me.

[Turkish]

Nice, huh?

I felt time at home was just doing chores. There was always some fiesta on the weekends, it it was notably rare to just hang with the kids as I did this weekend. I used to be a nomad. My buddy used to make fun of me for not even buying real furniture, because you never know when you have to flee, right? A flea from being periodically homeless as a teen thanks to BPD mom.

I only bought a home for my family. After she left, it was triggering, but I altered some things to feel more comfortable and emotionally safe. I like doing yardwork, putting on the headphones. Watching a movie on a Saturday afternoon is also acceptable. I no longer feel that I have to do things to keep anyone happy other than myself  

[Grey Kitty]

Which was your question, joeramabeme?

Is it OK to just stay home and enjoy it?

-or-

Is it OK to feel guilty for just staying home and enjoying it?

(BTW, my answers would be "yes", and "yes, but think more about where that guilt is coming from if it doesn't go away soon"

I've got some significant homebody tendencies myself. In me, I find them pretty healthy, although I also can get depressed and crawl into a hole and not want to come out... .that doesn't feel as healthy, but perhaps it is needed too.

[Beacher]

I love being home alone! It's the first time in my life! Just me and the cats ! My daughter is recently married and my BPD husband moved out in November. It was always drama and I couldn't even get a decent nights sleep. I love the mornings- get up an quietly have my cup of coffee and look at the beautiful sunshine. Granted I have moments of depression when I think of how wonderful the beginning of the marriage was, the beautiful times withmy daughter, but finally I can have peace and reflect on my life and where I want it to go. If I feel a dark cloud descend on me I simply walk outside or take a nice long bubble bath.

I do not think I'm isolating, simply recovering. It was a long time coming and I'm coming into my own in my mid 50's.

Enjoy!

[thisagain]

I like home. I lived with my BPD ex for two years in a studio apartment, and dreaded going home most days because I didn't know which version of her I'd get that day. Now, I love having a place where I can go in, close the door behind me, and enjoy total calm.

I've always been a homebody. Like GK, sometimes I'm sure it's healthy, and sometimes it's obviously coming from a place of depression. But even then, I think it's fine to let myself recharge for a while, and when I'm ready I'll start venturing out more. (this is after years of therapy, so I also can tell when I'm not going to get better without help.)

Do you think the amount of guilt would change if you did more reading and playing guitar, less computing? A lot of times I just get sucked into clicking on the next thing on the internet, not making meaningful connections or learning anything useful, and that's just depressing.

[C.Stein]

Joe,

It doesn't matter what you are doing as long as you are happy doing it.  If that is staying home and enjoying alone time then that is perfectly OK.

[Eyeamme]

It is the quiet that makes it so special. After 30 years the quiet feels so good. I totally get what you are saying and have been feeling guilty too.

[Caredverymuch]

I have been staying at home a lot lately and I have been enjoying it. 

Is this an issue?

For real. 

I feel a little weird that I am liking this so much and wondering if I am in a self-consumed emotional state.  I do get out every weekend and do something fun - but also really enjoying reading and computing and playing guitar which are pretty much all me-time things, alone!  And I even find that my day is full or lacking all the time I would like to have to do all this.

Before I was married, I never knew the enjoyment of being home.  I was always running and escaping situations or feelings.  One of the things I loved about being married was not having all the pressure of making plans to have something/anything to do to feel good about my weekends and free time.  I have decided that I like being home without all the "I should find something to do" pressure and why should I change now that I am single? 

I have this weird gnawing voice hanging over me, saying something like; you must be doing something that is not emotionally healthy for you if you are staying home this much.  Yet still, I am kind of smiling feeling good about it all.  I am also casually dating someone so don't feel a deep yearning to run out and meet someone.

Is it possible to feel guilty because I am enjoying myself?

Has anyone else felt a guilty pleasure about staying home. 

All of this is a "first" for me.

I love being at home after work and doing yoga, reading, just being very calm. The lack of drama and the peace is like a cocoon. The total lack of a sense of control, anticipation, or anxiety and living very presently in the now alleviates the feeling of swimming up stream. A feeling I always had in the disordered r/s's. This allows me to feel much more at home and at peace with my life, just as it is. I don't think there is anything to feel strange or guilty about.

I feel it's a gift.

More so, a reward.

CVM

[Beacher]

I could t have said it better caredverymuch, a reward. And well deserved.