love addictions. i'm mentally cracking up please help.

[terra]

my ex has newly diagnosed BPD (he is in group therapy) & we both have alcoholism (i have not drunk for almost 4yrs, tho right now i feel far from sober. he says, he has drunk since the new year).  we have broken up many times over the last 3 1/2 years, he has been truly horrid & also my best friend. We have a gorgeous baby together. i have fallen for him again. he stays at mine a few days a week, we make love. He is messaging women on a BPD site privately, manipulating them into loving him & i'm having a meltdown. i don't know much about love addictions, but i believe he has one or two... he ran too & slept with a friend of mine when he thought i'd sent him packing. i kinda get that with BPD, but the poetry & heart warming words (i am his 'near' love) ... ugh, please help, how can we look at these issues, is this common amongst sufferers, what can i read, what do i do?

seeing his psychiatrist & psychiatric nurse monday morn. this will be the 2nd meet for me. i'm not very articulate, how shall i express my concerns? baby's calling... .booby time. speak soon i hope & thankyou xoxox

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[lbjnltx]

Hello terra,



You are going through a lot and for a good while now it seems, add in a new baby and it can all be overwhelming. 

It sounds like you would really like to make this work with your baby's father and have some trust/fidelity issues to work through, is that right?

Is he attending therapy/consults with you on Monday?

Look forward to hearing back from you.

lbj

[terra]

hi lbj

thankyou for replying

(i'm not gr8 bwith technology hope i'm replying in the right place/way)

yep trust is an big issue, is the solution to look at the whys, why he feels the need to chat/flirt with other women (in the past they have been very young, one was 18 whom he wanted to meet, & unbeknownst to him, a friend of my brothers). I'm quite certain (in his way) he adores me, fancy's me, yep loves me. what is the cure for a poetic cheater & does he want to change, we have broached the issue before & yet it continues. He has no idea i know of his emotional infidelities.

The meetings with his psychiatrist & nurse are a... .'family meeting to continue thinking together about your relationship with mr x and your shared care or your baby son xx

t xox

[lbjnltx]

I think addressing what needs he is trying to meet and the thinking/belief errors he has would be the route to take.  It isn't a direct and speedy route, it will take much time and therapy for him to walk that route.

Does he want to work on himself?  If he is in therapy then there is a good chance that he does.

The members of the Saving a Relationship board understand your pain, confusion, and the complexities of your situation.  They will help and support you along the way.

lbj

[livednlearned]

Hi terra,

Congratulations on your sobriety  and your gorgeous baby 

How did things go with the psychiatrist and nurse?

I'm curious about lbjnltx's question as to whether he wants to work on himself, and how you feel about his diagnosis. Let us know how you're doing when you have a chance, we are here to listen.

LnL