One month NC and still confused

[Tommm70]

A month ago my fiancé and I broke up. She ended things and I am having a very hard time accepting things as they are and am so full of emotion that it seems unbearable at times.

I have read a lot about BPD and am sure she has it. She was severely abused by her mother as a child, kicked out many times along with physical, sexual, and mental abuse.

I am confused though, she was as black and white as I have ever seen anyone, loving me then hating me many times switching several times a day. Turned arguments around and in the end I am convinced it was all my fault. She told me I ruin her day, week, family time, everything.

But she lacks empathy, could never tell how her words affected me, or cared for that matter. She never showed much love, and looking back never shared real emotion with me.

We broke up a lot, but the last time, I could see the disgust whenever she looked at me. Name calling, insults and horrible things were said. It was like a light switch went off. And she didn't think she did anything wrong, and blames and hates me. In fact she doesn't even remember some of the things that happened, and in her version I'm 100% at fault. Everyone thinks she is an innocent angel, but I see a totally different person behind closed doors when she is not happy.

I'm no angel, I have abandonment issues and know I manipulated her by giving her things to try and make her happy. It was never enough and when she ended it I raged out and said horrible things to her.

So my question is can someone be BPD and not have suicidal or self harming traits? And I often wish she would be willing to communicate, even though deep down I know it's best we don't. I always thought her abandonment issues would keep her contacting me. Selfish thinking on my part.

It doesn't make any sense that I want her back, and maybe I myself have BPD traits due to the fact I can't seem to keep my emotions under control right now.

[Lexisdad]

Tomm,

Its like im reading my exact same story. She broke up with me in December the day before an ivf procedure to become pregnant. For 6 years i put up with the exact same scenario except no suicidal threats. She had uncontrorable rage and of course believed she was not wrong. Everything took place behind closed doors as well or by phone and text.We have been no contact in one month. She fit every clinical diagnosis sign but was diagnosed as bipolar for the entire relationship. I like you am heartbroken and devestated but you can not expect someone who is irrational to act rational. The verbal abuse i endured thru this relationship was horrific. She never apologized. The dyllusional jeoulosy, insecurity and trust issues was unreal. The lies she told were off the wall. She was a stunningly beautiful woman and to this day still can't wrap my head around how someone so pretty could act like she did. I offrred this woman the world including entering into contract to buy a 600 thousand dollar home for us to raise her son in. Her last words to me were " go f--k myself" because my severelly brain damaged daughter was under going a procedure and i was in the hospital with my ex wife and didn't tell her. At that point i made the decision that i was no longer in a relationship with this woman therefore i was not subjecting myself to one second longer of her abuse.

She's never had one stable relationship in her life. Every single one has ended badly. It was to the point that the everyday stress was destroying my health. She kept pushing for me to move in and i told her in 6 years there was never more than a span of 11 days where she did not explode on me in a rage. From October 1st to November 27 thrre were 10 incidents including me being thrown out of her house 3 times. One time was because her 13 year old son took his iphone with her picture on it and drew a penis in her mouth. She laughed when he showed her and because i thought it was distespectful to her and told her so in private she told me" get the f--k out" he s my son!  I no doubt dodged the bullet!

[WoundedBibi]

So my question is can someone be BPD and not have suicidal or self harming traits?

Yes. My ex never threatened with suicide. And he does not self harm in the sense of cutting himself.

He does self harm by binge drinking, diving nose first into Columbian white powder and all over getting himself in trouble with women and at every job he has ever had. So it depends on your definition of self harm.

Mine didn't scream a lot either. He mostly did the silent treatment, hateful looks, revenge actions to punish me while glancing at me with a malicious face and hissing something at me with a distorted face if I did or said something "that was not to his liking".