hey dizzy_dreamer
someone who tells you that they "fear love" is essentially telling you that they are in a place of emotional unavailability - thats not to be mistaken for incapable of expressing emotion, far from it, as is evident from your story. it means that an authentic, secure, sustainable attachment isnt really in the cards. its an issue that is virtually certain to play a dysfunctional role down the road.
when someone is telling you to leave them alone, accusing you to others of stalking them, and threatening you with a restraining order, thats a situation you want to defuse by steering clear for a while, as generally anything you do (no matter how well intentioned) will reinforce this persons idea that you are persecuting them, and things could escalate. its a very painful, even traumatic thing to experience, i know . i had a gal pull that on me once, and i couldnt understand how she could seemingly go from being my best friend to my worst enemy; my feelings hadnt caught up either. i wasnt the first to be labelled a stalker by this gal, and you are probably not the first in his case. still, respecting his wishes, and not giving him any ammunition, for the time being, will give your situation some space to recover.
is that why he left, so i didnt leave first?
its difficult to say, but even if that is the case, it may not have been a conscious decision. people with BPD fear abandonment to the point of perceiving it whether it exists or not, and constantly looking for "signs" that reinforce this fear.
Why did he replce me so soon?
there are many reasons that people will enter into whats usually referred to as a "rebound" relationship. they are not always the "wrong" reasons. in this case, it sounds like youre dealing with an emotionally immature person who has difficulty sustaining a relationship beyond the honeymoon period. when conflict arises, it may overwhelm him. probably unknown to him, he likely instigates a lot of conflict. if he and the other girl are constantly readding and deleting each other, it doesnt sound like that has changed. it may also be that in quickly jumping to a new relationship, he was looking to be rescued. people with BPD tend to find their identity within a relationship. without one, they may even feel as if they do not exist.
will he come back? what do i do when he comes back?
it is possible. no one can say for sure. it seems to me that unfortunately, giving space is your only real option at the moment, and youve been doing that. be prepared for the possibility, but avoid fixating on it, as it will keep you stuck. use the time and space to recover from what has been a painful experience and shock to your system. when and if he contacts you, you will be in a better place to decide how to respond or how to go forward. take it slow. avoid discussion of the past. if he brings them up, its best to avoid giving your side of things, or expressing the hurt he has caused you, as you may find things turned back around on you quickly, and more threats of restraining orders.
hope this helps
