Please help relationship with a man I think has BPD

[ahsnrqy2]

I think my fiancé has BPD. I feel as though I walk on eggshells. I feel I can do nothing right. Today I sent him a text telling him I was going to lunch with my office. At the restaurant I had my phone in my purse and the restaurant was very loud. I was also in a discussion with 5 other people at the table including my manager and director. I heard my phone ring and saw it was him. I answered it and he immediatly started yelling and cussing at me, asking me why I did not answer his f... .Call and that he had called five times. He then hung up on me. I called him back and tried to explain. He cussed again and I told him that I was talking business with the table. He told me he did not f... .Care and f... .You.

My whole lunch was ruined and I just could not believe what had just happen although similar things have happened several times in the past.

He would not answer my call after lunch and a text. I called again once I got home and he answered after ignoring my call three times. He was cold and hung up on me again. I left the house and went to my parents. I sent him another text later in the day which he again ignored. When I got home I was mad and hurt inside and let myself get pulled into a heated argument where hateful things were said. There is a lot of stress in our lives right now that is really affecting our relationship. I was upset with myself for losing it and lashing back at him. I feel like I can only take so much. Our relationship was moving along well for about two weeks now. We have been together for almost 2 years but has been stained since Auguest when he moved into my house. He hates living in a house that is not his and he loves to bring that up. He calls me miss perfect and when we fight he always threatens to move out. Today in my fight when he brought it up I asked him you have been saying this since August why are you still here. He has such rage, cussing and two weeks ago he broke my phone. He has never hit me. I set up a counseling appointment for us for next Friday but today during the fight he told me he is not going.

I am sorry to keep rambling but I am just so upset inside. I do truly love him but there is just so much more of the story to tell. I could type for hours.

Any guidance anyone could give would be greatly appreciated. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Suzn]

Hello ahsnrgy2 

I'm sorry you went through this with your fiance.    What a painful experience. There's nothing wrong with putting your phone away while having lunch.

He has such rage, cussing and two weeks ago he broke my phone. He has never hit me.

It often helps to take a time out before emotions escalate. If you feel things are moving in that direction going for a walk, a quick trip to the grocery store, even going into another room, etc... to give you both a cooling off period. If this doesn't seem to help it may be good to have a safety plan in place just in case things escalate. Do you have a safety plan? If not this link can help you put one together  Safety First

I set up a counseling appointment for us for next Friday but today during the fight he told me he is not going.

It is his choice whether or not he wants to go. I would encourage you to keep this counseling session and go with or without him. A counselor can be very helpful to learning ways to deal with this situation.

Over to the right of your screen you will find links to the Lessons--->

You'll find ways to better understand your fiances limitations and ways to make things better and not make them worse. Such as this  The Do's and Don'ts in a BPD relationship

I'm glad you found us, I'm looking forward to hearing more of your story. Keep posting, it helps to talk.

[ahsnrqy2]

Thank you for your thoughts and guidance. I need all of the guidance I can get right now. He says he is leaving and our relationship was over. Keep in mind he told me he was calling me to tell me how much he loves me. So in a matter of a few hours and because I did not answe the phone our relationship is over and he said he does not care.  This is just so amazing and baffling to me.