Can anyone relate?
To a degree I can.
My ex is uBPD by me. Maybe he is diagnosed by a professional and just didn't tell me. I have a sneaking suspicion he thinks he is 'just' bi-polar if he thinks there is anything wrong at all ("I'm just different".
He has probably f*cked up a lot of relationships but just hinted at exgfs, breakups etc, so I have no clue how many relationships or how long they lasted. If he had told me things I'm not sure if any of it would have been true; depending on his mood he would say very contradictory things about everything and anything.
The same goes for jobs. I have a bit clearer view on those (LinkedIn) although he is obviously lying on the length of employment at present (still stating his works at our company while he got kicked out in October) and probably has done in the past too.
His family must know he has had many relationships and jobs, even if he hasn't been open about all of them.
Now his sister has a Master in psychology... She must have at some point thought about her FOO and what could ail them. All students do stuf like that. Like medical students think they have every horrible disease they get to learn about, even for just a brief moment.
She has been working in Human Resources for years, a lot of those in the same company he and I both worked in. As he started at our company at the same location she works at, I'm sure she had some input on him at least getting an interview there. She must at least know her brother is 'different' and that his track record for employment isn't the best. Something went wrong at that location. I figured out, piecing stuff together, because he had a gf there and it went bust after he (tried to) have sex with her. From start to finish about 3 to 4 months. Maybe she had issues with his sexual dysfunction and gossiped about it, no clue, but he must have felt he needed to get out. And low and behold, after 6 months he gets transferred to my location in a different country. Sisterly influence? Stuff happens here, he gets an official warning about inappropriate behaviour within his own team, more stuff happens here involving me and probably some other girls, and he gets kicked out. He might have been able to hide some of what actually happened to his family, but not everything, and they are not stupid.
Now I have never met his sister or his parents, there were plans but nothing came of those, but if I would have I'm sure they would not have told me a thing. Their loyalty lies with him not with me. Whether they know everything or just a part of what happens in his life, whether they know he is sick or just suspect, their loyalty lies with him.
The same goes for the family of your ex.
I understand your feelings but when they are close they want to protect their loved one. Maybe they hoped that it would be different between you two. Perhaps they are trying to help her get better even (seeing the coaching by the sister), or haven't fully accepted what BPD means. But which ever scenario you choose, they are emotionally tied to each other so you can't really compare it to a business investment. Maybe none of them are sick but her (which I doubt but still), maybe they don't want others to have a peak in their dysfunctional unit, one thing is clear: they have closed ranks. And they did it before you came along already. Blood is thicker than water.
