Empathied out

[Our abuse recovery guide]

So,in my last thread I thought that my sister was undiagnosed BPD.

she'd moved in with a man who she accused of mental abuse, she was describing herself as his "hostage" and had seen two mental health nurses who had concurred and told her she should get out.I've given her money and lots of support to do this but... .

They've now talked and he said that he was hurt because he'd done lots of things to make his house nicer for her and she'd been ungrateful (wry smile, they don't say thanks they say what next? this is the second time he's said this and the first time he had done a lot for her!) so she's going to stay with him.

The bottom line is that she loves the house (not the man,whom she holds in contempt) and doesn't want to give it up; she's angling for him to give her half?.I've asked her if she feels physically safe and she says that she does.

me? i'll keep doing enough to keep her safe, try to get some sleep and look up narcissistic personality disorder... only joking, she says that she's lonely and hates living on her own.

thank goodness she didn't tell her kids!

[wantyousafe]

So,in my last thread I thought that my sister was undiagnosed BPD.

she'd moved in with a man who she accused of mental abuse, she was describing herself as his "hostage" and had seen two mental health nurses who had concurred and told her she should get out.I've given her money and lots of support to do this but... .

They've now talked and he said that he was hurt because he'd done lots of things to make his house nicer for her and she'd been ungrateful (wry smile, they don't say thanks they say what next? this is the second time he's said this and the first time he had done a lot for her!) so she's going to stay with him.

The bottom line is that she loves the house (not the man,whom she holds in contempt) and doesn't want to give it up; she's angling for him to give her half?.I've asked her if she feels physically safe and she says that she does.

me? i'll keep doing enough to keep her safe, try to get some sleep and look up narcissistic personality disorder... only joking, she says that she's lonely and hates living on her own.

thank goodness she didn't tell her kids!

[HappyChappy]

Welcome to the board fellow UK er. Reading your last post, you do sound like you do an awful lot for your sister, which must be very draining. Not surprised you’re empathised out. Your sisters life sounds like an episode of East Enders. I think it’s inevitable that too much exposure to BPD techniques would wear anyone down. What sorts of things are you doing to re charge your batteries ? What boundaries do you have in place with your BPD sis ?

[wantyousafe]

hi,happychappie;

Cheers to a fellow brit!

to be fair I don't have half the grief with my sister that other people have with their family on this forum, I don't know how they do it, but she's going through a "flare-up" at the moment and that's where I step in.

I guess I feel a sense of shame for what she might be trying to do along with fear for the small chance he could turn nasty and feel sad that she can't turn her life around and will see her older years out on minimal benefits and disappointed that she won't get the psychiatric help she needs because she seems to have fooled them.

I'm going to keep in touch with her enough for her to know there's someone out there for her in the last resort but that's all, my health and my husband come first.

take care of yourselves everybody.

[HappyChappy]

Hi Wantyousafe,

Sounds like you have it all sorted, I commend your approach. But just out of interest as there needs to be a gene attached to BPD, did either of your biological parents display traits of a Personality disorder ?

[wantyousafe]

hello again!

I wouldn't say that either parent was BPD but I'm an autumn crocus who came along when an armistice had been signed in my parents marriage! mom definitely said some very hurtful things to us occasionally when pbd sister and I were children but I think it was out of desparation when we fought each other no-holds barred  .

my maternal grandfather had serious ptsd/alcoholism/wife-beater from nearly being killed in the ww1 and my mom had a traumatic childhood as a result.

I'm the youngest of four sisters and another sister is schizophrenic.She and pbd sister grew up in the rockier years.

would like to do a family tree to see where we get it from.cheers.